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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Sighz..

Again and again, we quarrel.

Again and again, we fight.

Always over the same issue.

Always saying things that hurt each other.

When will this ever stop? Does the real issue and problem always lies with me?

Maybe it does and it's time to let it go.

I don't want to hurt you but neither do I want to be hurt by you.

I'm done crying again and again. I stopped being strong and independent. It's time to pick myself up again.

I will not ask you to leave if you still wanna stay on and care for the daughter that you love so much even though she is not yours.

Likewise, if you want to leave, I will not blame you or make you stay back.

But, it is over between us. We are both free to live our own lifes. No more committment and mood swing issues to argue about or quarrel over.

This is it. Thank you for the all the time and effort given.

I'm sorry I can't be the gf you want me to be.

I'm sorry for hurting you during the past 1 and 1/2 years.

I'm really sorry and I hope you can understand the decision I have made.

It is the best for both of us.

Friday, March 10, 2017

So far so good

Been on my new job for slightly more than a week. I'm still trying to learn the ropes in this new industry that I'm in but everything seems fine so far.

It's a rather small company with only 11 people in it but I know my boss is expanding the business. Everyone is nice to me in this new company.

It can get a little boring and sleepy at times when I'm just reading up on all the IT stuff trying to force my brain to understand and thus the photo below I took when I'm taking a break.


Am freaking amazed at all the beauty apps you used to take photo that can make you look so chio lor. I'm an amateur in this but I still think I look pretty good in that photo. Hahaha! What do you think?

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Back to normal

Sorry for the lack of updates. Everything is back to normal. I'm still together with that idiot SMBF. I'm too soft hearted for my own good.

I really have to remove the link that updates post on my personal fb because SMBF saw the update and went to read it. He was very upset for awhile but he deserves it la though it hurts me to see him sad. Think he is remorseful enough.

Reason why I manage to forgive him is because I choose to focus on the good he has done instead of the bad and I can be doubly mean to him after that using his guilt. Wahahahaha!

I guess it's the same in any and every relationship. If we always focus on the bad that the other party has done then it's game over very soon. No relationship will last. Unless your other half abuses you most of the time than being good to you then please leave that bastard.

Many things has happened recently causing lots of drama. I have been personally traumatized and shocked with the things some people can do to their loved ones.

Shall talk about it another day. I'm actually writing this post on my phone while caught in the jam to JB. Trying to distract myself cause I really need to pee badly and I'm nowhere near Singapore custom. It has been 2 hours already. Oh God! Please have mercy on me.

On another note, I have some good news. I finally found a job and will be starting in March. I'm feeling a little nervous and also excited. I hope this will be a good start for me this year and SMBF can finally propose! I'm waiting. Hehe..

Sean has also travelled to Australia for his pilot training for 6 weeks. Hope everything will go well for him and he can pass with flying colours.

Abrupt end of entry with a photo of me to traumatize everyone that comes across this post.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

So tired

I'm tired of the relationship I'm in. I wanna end it so badly. I don't feel the love at all. If there is no love then what is the point to continue in it?

I just don't get it. In the beginning, he found Naomi so adorable and love her so much. But as time goes by, he changed. He finds her irritating and annoying.

Why do people change so quickly? I really believe that he is the one but in the end all I get is disappointment.

He has lost all tolerance for Naomi and me. If he doesn't have the patience in handling a child then why did he choose to be with me?

It is so heart breaking but I have reached my limit. He chose 2 happy occasions to quarrel with me. Christmas and Day 1 of Chinese New Year. I tried not to shout but he kept shouting at me.

I'm trying very hard not to cry because it is believed to be unlucky to cry on the 1st day on CNY but my heart hurts so much. I seriously doubt if we can last any longer. Hatred is building slowly within me.

If I continue to be with him and someday get married, I'm afraid that all this unpleasant things that happen may someday explode and we end up getting a divorce. I don't know what to do anymore.

On 1 hand, I'm scared of Naomi's feelings and reaction if he is gone. On the other hand, I simply cannot compromise to continue being with him when I'm not happy. I don't know what to do anymore.

It is so hurting to hear Naomi say that she doesn't like daddy when he is reacting like this. I know she loves him too but whenever he acts this way she dislikes him because it scares her. Doesn't he realize that he is hurting her too?

There are so many ways to teach a child. Why can't he understand this point? If he can't handle her then let someone else who has more persuasive power to do it. Is there really a need to get mad?

I'm just so upset and heart broken right now. I hope I have an answer when CNY is over. Right now, I just want peace and harmony within the family.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Happy Chinese New Year!

We would hereby like to wish everyone a very Happy Chinese New Year! Huat ar!

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Disheartened

I finally completed my cross stitch so now I have all the time I want to spend looking at my computer screen all day. Can finally blog out my unhappiness.

Sighz.. It's very disheartening to be sending out loads of application for jobs daily to get no reply in return. What is wrong with all the employers out there? Is resume all that you see to decide if a person has potential? It is just a fucking piece of paper! Just like education certs!

Even the few interviews I went came back with disappointing results. I'm sick and tired of going to interviews, answering the same stupid questions every single time. Is it a trend this days for an employer to say how good they think you are but in the end doesn't employ you?

In the past, if a hirer mention how good he/she thinks I am then it's a guarantee plus chop confirmation that I will definitely be hired. Seems like it's not the case this days. They seem to say it for the sake of saying so as not to offend me like that. Knn. Give people false hope. Really knn.

On the surface, I may seem like I'm okay but I'm not. I feel frustrated and depressed not being able to find a job for so long. It feels like there is a hulk in me getting ready to explode anytime. If I become hulk, my neh neh will show so cannot.

But yet, some people can think I'm enjoying myself being jobless shaking leg at home and always make snide remarks like, "Very shiok! Don't need to work." It is loosely translated to my ears that I am being useless.To this I say, FUCK YOU! Seriously, fuck you okay? I depress need to show it out? I need to lock myself in my room everyday and cry to show how depressed I am? I need to slit my wrist? Need to bang my head on the wall?

It is not in my nature to show how upset I am to the world so people around me would get depressed also. It's hard to feel really upset when Naomi is around me doing what Naomi usually does. Being weird and acting like an adult that either makes me laugh or pissed off. Still, it doesn't mean I'm not upset and depressed. Just keeping everything within me cause I don't wanna explode to become hulk and expose my neh neh.

I'm really lucky to have SMBF by my side during this tough period of time always showing me support. I know I may have threw my frustrations on him a few times but he always takes it in his stride. Hah! Like real lor. He exploded on me a couple of times too but not always lah. He has been very understanding and supportive towards me.

He encourages me to wait for the job that I think I will enjoy doing and not just randomly jump into any jobs that offer me just for the sake of having a job. I know he wants me to enjoy what I'm doing and be happy. If it wasn't for him. I think I will really lose hope already.

Thanks dear! I love and hate you at the same time. =)

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Resolution for 2017

My cross stitch is far from being done. I still have like 1/3 left but I wanna blog about this.

Here are the resolutions for 2017 that I won't be able to keep.

1) Quit smoking
2) Lose weight
3) Be nicer to SMBF =P

Then there are the resolutions I intend to keep.

1) Find a job and stay in it as long as possible

2) Get married (This is linked to No. 1 because SMBF say he will propose to me once I have a job cause I will be less moody and depressed. He wants the happiness to last. Yay!)

3) Bring Naomi out more often (Also linked to No. 1 because with more money I will be able tp bring her to more places.)

4) Travel overseas more often (Again linked to No. 1. The reason is pretty obvious.)

So employers out there. Give me a chance la! Desperately need a job. My happiness is in your hands!

On my way to Grace house for countdown with some of my favourite bitches. Those not able to come, I do miss you too.

If I'm in the mood, I will blog about the countdown later on. If not, then too bad. Cross stitch cross stitch cross stitch. You get it.

Hereby wishing everyone a Happy New Year! For those who faithfully reads my blog and for those who happen to stumble across my blog this fateful night. Hahaha!

Now don't be stingy and leave me a comment wishing me Happy New Year too! =)

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Bah

I know I haven't been really updating much because there really ain't anything interesting going on in my life right now.

Yes. There is Christmas but I really feel like blogging about it. I'm just plain lazy I guess. I have also finally met up with my darling Queen. A friend I have not seen for a long time and missed.

We had lunch together and kopi after lunch gossiping about the idiots in our life and how very unfortunate that we are somehow related to them. I feel so sorry for us.

Still on the lookout for jobs but put to a stop for now cause it's holiday season. Doubt any company will actually call me down for interview. Those that does, I don't wanna work for man. No life.

I'm not really lazy la. I've just been really busy with completing my cross stitch. I have put it on hold for the longest time and my dad is complaining about the mess I'm having on the table saying it's pure irritating. Duh!

The faster I complete my cross stitch then I will have time to write out my feelings over certain stuff.

Till then this is just gonna be an empty space.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Hmmmmmm

My blog is getting boring because I can't seem to be bothered to update it anymore. I guess it's because I'm writing more for an audience than for myself.

There are so many bad things I wanna say about others but afraid that they may find out. Muahahahaha..

Actually I don't care about what others say but all the same. I have decided to stop publicizing my blog. It will no longer update new post on my fb.

I shall then blog to my heart's content imagining that nobody reads it except me.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Farts

Hmmmm.. Have no idea what to blog about so I shall blog about how bloated I have been for the past few days. No idea what I ate to create so much gas. I have a rough suspicion that it's the golden mushroom and white button mushroom cooked by me in butter and garlic that caused it. It is edible and extremely delicious okay?

If you must know, I have been farting non stop for the past few days. More than I ever did in a year. I swear I'm not joking about it. I feel like an odourless toxic gas producing machine. Only once did the fart stink like mad and I proudly announce that I gave the full blast of it right in SMBF's face. Payback time!

Muahahahahaha!

If you think I'm mean then please think again. This 1 small fart I gave him is not even enough to pay him off 1% of what he gave to me. So far, this is like the 2nd time I let him smell stinky farts throughout our relationship. He does it to me so often that I wanna just shove something up his ass to make him feel pain. He even do it to my poor baby Naomi when she is asleep okay? As he so very buay paiseh confess to me de hor. So you see! We are the victims, NOT HIM!

Very kns lor. So bloody rude and inconsiderate lah! Don't tell me cannot control okay? That's bullshit! You jolly well know it's coming and have time to run away from your loved ones before you explode. If any of you out there can't control your fart, please go see a doctor. You probably have some uncontrollable farting syndrome that requires professional help.

Just stop fucking traumatizing your loved ones!

If it's possible, I would love to shove an oxygen tank up his ass and store all his stinky farts into the tank then make him smell his own fart with an oxygen mask glued to his face. He will not be able to take off the mask until the oxygen or should I say fart tank is empty. That will teach him not to anyhow let off toxic gas when others are around especially me and Naomi.

Anyway, tomorrow is his birthday. Can't afford to buy him a gift since I'm jobless. I shall compensate by being extra nice to him for tomorrow only. I will be nice by not insulting him, not calling him an idiot, not rolling my eyes and shout at him etc etc etc..

Wow! There are so much more but I lazy to type out liao. I think I am rather mean to him leh. But it's okay lah. I know he enjoys it. It makes him smile the whole day. He can't live without it. He loves getting the insults as much as I love throwing insults at him. That's what make us such a happy couple.

I just love living in self denial. =) Wahahahahahaha!

Abrupt end of blog post because pooping feeling is strong af.


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