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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

I feel miserable

Nothing seems to be going right for me. It started going downhill since yesterday when my mum decided to publicly shame me with SMBF standing up for me rebutting her thus causing people to think he is rude.

It's really sad when people listen to 1 side of the story and side the person not knowing what actually happened. Starts to blame you for things that has happened and look down on you.

It causes me misery when this comes from my own family members.

Then today, 2 of my colleagues decided to suddenly not talk to me. I don't even know what I did wrong to incur their wrath.

The way they treat me is damn obvious that they are ignoring me. We are all adults. If you are unhappy with me just spit it out! Why play childish games like this?

I thought this is finally the place I can stay and work happily but I didn't expect this to be another beginning of a nightmare.

I hate this feeling. It sucks! =(

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Yoohoo!

Hello! Anyone still here? It's been a long time. I now would to say that I am a lazy fuck! Hahaha!

Because I also stopped writing on my dayre after the initial few weeks. Kakaka! I shall not deny my laziness anymore.

I think the only time I truly have something to write about is when I am pissed off. Need an outlet to vent out my frustrations else I would hardly write actually. That is to say my life currently is a happy one.

I'm kinda selfish I guess not sharing my happy moments with people who would truly be happy for me.

But, whatever.. There's a saying about being no news is good news yeah? I know that's for people who have gone missing or got involved in some freak accident.

But if I were to start writing, it just means something bad has happened. So that saying applies on me as well. I don't care what you say.

So ya.. I'm here today because I kinda miss my blog and I wanna say hello to people who still does visit my blog. Thank you for reading!

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Love

What is love? Love is not just about respect and self sacrificing.

I personally feel that love is about communicating. With no proper communication, we wouldn't be able to understand each other and very soon the relationship will go down the drain with the reason of breakup as we don't understand each other.

It has been the case like this for many couples. If only everyone be open to their other half. Most relationship would work out well. I wanted to say more but I can't rememeber what I wanna say.

Just a random thought.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Changing

Will no longer be posting my daily life here. Have decided to switch to dayre which is much more convenient. However, this blog will still be kept here for any random deep thought rants that I may have or whenever I feel like writing some stupid long stories.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Sighz..

Again and again, we quarrel.

Again and again, we fight.

Always over the same issue.

Always saying things that hurt each other.

When will this ever stop? Does the real issue and problem always lies with me?

Maybe it does and it's time to let it go.

I don't want to hurt you but neither do I want to be hurt by you.

I'm done crying again and again. I stopped being strong and independent. It's time to pick myself up again.

I will not ask you to leave if you still wanna stay on and care for the daughter that you love so much even though she is not yours.

Likewise, if you want to leave, I will not blame you or make you stay back.

But, it is over between us. We are both free to live our own lifes. No more committment and mood swing issues to argue about or quarrel over.

This is it. Thank you for the all the time and effort given.

I'm sorry I can't be the gf you want me to be.

I'm sorry for hurting you during the past 1 and 1/2 years.

I'm really sorry and I hope you can understand the decision I have made.

It is the best for both of us.

Friday, March 10, 2017

So far so good

Been on my new job for slightly more than a week. I'm still trying to learn the ropes in this new industry that I'm in but everything seems fine so far.

It's a rather small company with only 11 people in it but I know my boss is expanding the business. Everyone is nice to me in this new company.

It can get a little boring and sleepy at times when I'm just reading up on all the IT stuff trying to force my brain to understand and thus the photo below I took when I'm taking a break.


Am freaking amazed at all the beauty apps you used to take photo that can make you look so chio lor. I'm an amateur in this but I still think I look pretty good in that photo. Hahaha! What do you think?

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Back to normal

Sorry for the lack of updates. Everything is back to normal. I'm still together with that idiot SMBF. I'm too soft hearted for my own good.

I really have to remove the link that updates post on my personal fb because SMBF saw the update and went to read it. He was very upset for awhile but he deserves it la though it hurts me to see him sad. Think he is remorseful enough.

Reason why I manage to forgive him is because I choose to focus on the good he has done instead of the bad and I can be doubly mean to him after that using his guilt. Wahahahaha!

I guess it's the same in any and every relationship. If we always focus on the bad that the other party has done then it's game over very soon. No relationship will last. Unless your other half abuses you most of the time than being good to you then please leave that bastard.

Many things has happened recently causing lots of drama. I have been personally traumatized and shocked with the things some people can do to their loved ones.

Shall talk about it another day. I'm actually writing this post on my phone while caught in the jam to JB. Trying to distract myself cause I really need to pee badly and I'm nowhere near Singapore custom. It has been 2 hours already. Oh God! Please have mercy on me.

On another note, I have some good news. I finally found a job and will be starting in March. I'm feeling a little nervous and also excited. I hope this will be a good start for me this year and SMBF can finally propose! I'm waiting. Hehe..

Sean has also travelled to Australia for his pilot training for 6 weeks. Hope everything will go well for him and he can pass with flying colours.

Abrupt end of entry with a photo of me to traumatize everyone that comes across this post.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

So tired

I'm tired of the relationship I'm in. I wanna end it so badly. I don't feel the love at all. If there is no love then what is the point to continue in it?

I just don't get it. In the beginning, he found Naomi so adorable and love her so much. But as time goes by, he changed. He finds her irritating and annoying.

Why do people change so quickly? I really believe that he is the one but in the end all I get is disappointment.

He has lost all tolerance for Naomi and me. If he doesn't have the patience in handling a child then why did he choose to be with me?

It is so heart breaking but I have reached my limit. He chose 2 happy occasions to quarrel with me. Christmas and Day 1 of Chinese New Year. I tried not to shout but he kept shouting at me.

I'm trying very hard not to cry because it is believed to be unlucky to cry on the 1st day on CNY but my heart hurts so much. I seriously doubt if we can last any longer. Hatred is building slowly within me.

If I continue to be with him and someday get married, I'm afraid that all this unpleasant things that happen may someday explode and we end up getting a divorce. I don't know what to do anymore.

On 1 hand, I'm scared of Naomi's feelings and reaction if he is gone. On the other hand, I simply cannot compromise to continue being with him when I'm not happy. I don't know what to do anymore.

It is so hurting to hear Naomi say that she doesn't like daddy when he is reacting like this. I know she loves him too but whenever he acts this way she dislikes him because it scares her. Doesn't he realize that he is hurting her too?

There are so many ways to teach a child. Why can't he understand this point? If he can't handle her then let someone else who has more persuasive power to do it. Is there really a need to get mad?

I'm just so upset and heart broken right now. I hope I have an answer when CNY is over. Right now, I just want peace and harmony within the family.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Happy Chinese New Year!

We would hereby like to wish everyone a very Happy Chinese New Year! Huat ar!

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Disheartened

I finally completed my cross stitch so now I have all the time I want to spend looking at my computer screen all day. Can finally blog out my unhappiness.

Sighz.. It's very disheartening to be sending out loads of application for jobs daily to get no reply in return. What is wrong with all the employers out there? Is resume all that you see to decide if a person has potential? It is just a fucking piece of paper! Just like education certs!

Even the few interviews I went came back with disappointing results. I'm sick and tired of going to interviews, answering the same stupid questions every single time. Is it a trend this days for an employer to say how good they think you are but in the end doesn't employ you?

In the past, if a hirer mention how good he/she thinks I am then it's a guarantee plus chop confirmation that I will definitely be hired. Seems like it's not the case this days. They seem to say it for the sake of saying so as not to offend me like that. Knn. Give people false hope. Really knn.

On the surface, I may seem like I'm okay but I'm not. I feel frustrated and depressed not being able to find a job for so long. It feels like there is a hulk in me getting ready to explode anytime. If I become hulk, my neh neh will show so cannot.

But yet, some people can think I'm enjoying myself being jobless shaking leg at home and always make snide remarks like, "Very shiok! Don't need to work." It is loosely translated to my ears that I am being useless.To this I say, FUCK YOU! Seriously, fuck you okay? I depress need to show it out? I need to lock myself in my room everyday and cry to show how depressed I am? I need to slit my wrist? Need to bang my head on the wall?

It is not in my nature to show how upset I am to the world so people around me would get depressed also. It's hard to feel really upset when Naomi is around me doing what Naomi usually does. Being weird and acting like an adult that either makes me laugh or pissed off. Still, it doesn't mean I'm not upset and depressed. Just keeping everything within me cause I don't wanna explode to become hulk and expose my neh neh.

I'm really lucky to have SMBF by my side during this tough period of time always showing me support. I know I may have threw my frustrations on him a few times but he always takes it in his stride. Hah! Like real lor. He exploded on me a couple of times too but not always lah. He has been very understanding and supportive towards me.

He encourages me to wait for the job that I think I will enjoy doing and not just randomly jump into any jobs that offer me just for the sake of having a job. I know he wants me to enjoy what I'm doing and be happy. If it wasn't for him. I think I will really lose hope already.

Thanks dear! I love and hate you at the same time. =)
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