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Wednesday, January 24, 2018

You are tired but so am I

As much as I want to start a family with you because you are well worth the effort and time. Because I love you so much I think you deserve to have a family.

But things are not going to work out if you are not willing to make a change when things happen. When you constantly think that everyone is going against you.

I really want to and is making an effort to make things right but I cannot do this alone. All I ask is for you to change your approach to things but you choose to be stubborn, choose not to be flexible.

The changes made now is not just for the present but for the future as well. You never did think that far right?

I may say things that hurt you in the process but that's because I want you to wake up! To listen to what I have to say and not always insisting your way.

Since we are not able to communicate effectively and come to an understanding. I think it is pretty pointless to carry on. This has not happened once or twice but an ongoing issue with nothing done to resolve it.

I really want to end all this misery once and for all. For a better future that you can have without me, Naomi and my family.

I honestly think it's for the better. I don't know how long I can carry on with this. My tears just keeps flowing out while I'm in the office working.

I am tired and heartbroken. My tears are flowing and my heart is bleeding while I am typing this out. I keep feeling like I'm gonna have a breakdown soon.

I still do love you but being in love and being together is a different issue altogether. A marriage don't work on just love alone because that love will eventually turn into hatred if not properly treated and maintained.

If you really do love me as much as what you claim. Please let me go. Let go now better than when things turn for the worse in the future.

Going thru a divorce once is enough. I do not wish to go thru it a 2nd time and I do not wish for the same to happen to you too.

I think it's clear enough from this that we are not made for each other. Not meant for each other. It had been a happy 2 years while it lasted. I will never forget what we went through together. An experience that will always stay in my heart.

Thank you for your time and love. It's time to leave and end it.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Back to work

Finally back to work after a 2 months hiatus. Long story short. I fractured my knee after falling down on a bus on 3rd Nov 2017 when the bus e-braked avoiding a lorry that dashed out from the filter lane, 2 days after I came back from my holiday in Thailand.

I have been in a cast for 6 weeks in total. It was pure torture. Thank God for SMF who looked after me during that time without a single complain. Every bath time is like going to war having to suit up and wear armour.

After removing the cast, my left leg is practically useless. My muscles have all weaken on me. Can't walk long distance without my ankle and calfs seizing up on me. Walking has become very unnatural for me. Can't bend my legs without feeling any pain so walking up the stairs and squatting down is taking a toll on my bones.

Sitting down is fine for me though but can't sit in the same position for a long time else my whole leg hurts when I try to move. My bones make a clicking sound whenever I try to bend my knees. Gotta go for physio therapy until when I have no idea.

Sighz.. Will be claiming against SMRT for my pain and suffering. I just hope that I will make a full recovery before my wedding shoot else my wedding and honeymoon is gonna be a painful one. I'm actually still on HL but I'm sick of staying at home plus I think that walking around bit by bit daily will help my muscles to get stronger soon. Please pray for me. Hope nothing like this ever happen to me again.

This is me on my 1st day going back to work. I look okay but I'm in pain. =(

Monday, January 1, 2018

Happy New Year 2018!

Hope this year will be a better year for me! No more injuries and life goes more smoothly than ever!

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Officially engaged!

He finally popped the question and I said YES! From now he will be known as SMF instead of SMBF! =)

Thursday, October 26, 2017


I'm feeling rather bored at work now so I decided to blog. But what should I blog about?

Okay. I just had lasik done last month out of impulse for wanting perfect vision again. I am overall happy with the results though the fluctuation of my vision can be rather frustrating and the dry eyes symptoms is just irritating.

On certain days I see so damn clearly and on other days, vision is blurry as hell though I can still see everything without glasses. It's mostly affected when I'm facing the computer at work.

I don't really know what to expect but I was rather worried why my vision was still blurry on certain days so I decided to google for answers.

So it's rather common for vision to fluctuate during the 1st month after lasik. Also for people with super high myopia like me, vision may take up to 6 months to stabilize. That is a freaking long time but at least I am no longer worried that my surgery didn't go as well as planned.

Just went for a post 1 month eye review with my doc yesterday and he told me that dry eyes is also a contribution to poor vision. I have to constantly put this lubricant eye drops in my eye.

I was very tempted to just wear a swimming goggles over my eyes filled with the eye drops to the brim so my eyes is constantly lubricated. That would have been so much easier, but I did not get lasik done so I can look stupid so no.

I can only hope that it will get better over time cause with the blurry visions, it sometimes causes me to have really bad headaches but I'm still happy I got it done. I can now wear makeup seeing clearly what I'm doing without the irritation contact lens causes me to have.

Doc also says that I can now go about doing the normal activities like swimming and stuff so yay! I can rub my eyes already!

Alright. Abrupt end of entry because I suddenly have work to be done.

On a side note, just 1 more day of work and I'm going for a holiday at BKK with my family! More about that when I'm back if I even feel like blogging about it. Muahahahahaha..

Oh yeah yeah yeah! I forgot to mention that I am recently in love with Big Bang! I think the member I like most is GDragon!

How to not love him? *Turns dreamy eyed*


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

I feel miserable

Nothing seems to be going right for me. It started going downhill since yesterday when my mum decided to publicly shame me with SMBF standing up for me rebutting her thus causing people to think he is rude.

It's really sad when people listen to 1 side of the story and side the person not knowing what actually happened. Starts to blame you for things that has happened and look down on you.

It causes me misery when this comes from my own family members.

Then today, 2 of my colleagues decided to suddenly not talk to me. I don't even know what I did wrong to incur their wrath.

The way they treat me is damn obvious that they are ignoring me. We are all adults. If you are unhappy with me just spit it out! Why play childish games like this?

I thought this is finally the place I can stay and work happily but I didn't expect this to be another beginning of a nightmare.

I hate this feeling. It sucks! =(

Tuesday, July 25, 2017


Hello! Anyone still here? It's been a long time. I now would to say that I am a lazy fuck! Hahaha!

Because I also stopped writing on my dayre after the initial few weeks. Kakaka! I shall not deny my laziness anymore.

I think the only time I truly have something to write about is when I am pissed off. Need an outlet to vent out my frustrations else I would hardly write actually. That is to say my life currently is a happy one.

I'm kinda selfish I guess not sharing my happy moments with people who would truly be happy for me.

But, whatever.. There's a saying about being no news is good news yeah? I know that's for people who have gone missing or got involved in some freak accident.

But if I were to start writing, it just means something bad has happened. So that saying applies on me as well. I don't care what you say.

So ya.. I'm here today because I kinda miss my blog and I wanna say hello to people who still does visit my blog. Thank you for reading!

Wednesday, April 5, 2017


What is love? Love is not just about respect and self sacrificing.

I personally feel that love is about communicating. With no proper communication, we wouldn't be able to understand each other and very soon the relationship will go down the drain with the reason of breakup as we don't understand each other.

It has been the case like this for many couples. If only everyone be open to their other half. Most relationship would work out well. I wanted to say more but I can't rememeber what I wanna say.

Just a random thought.

Monday, April 3, 2017


Will no longer be posting my daily life here. Have decided to switch to dayre which is much more convenient. However, this blog will still be kept here for any random deep thought rants that I may have or whenever I feel like writing some stupid long stories.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017


Again and again, we quarrel.

Again and again, we fight.

Always over the same issue.

Always saying things that hurt each other.

When will this ever stop? Does the real issue and problem always lies with me?

Maybe it does and it's time to let it go.

I don't want to hurt you but neither do I want to be hurt by you.

I'm done crying again and again. I stopped being strong and independent. It's time to pick myself up again.

I will not ask you to leave if you still wanna stay on and care for the daughter that you love so much even though she is not yours.

Likewise, if you want to leave, I will not blame you or make you stay back.

But, it is over between us. We are both free to live our own lifes. No more committment and mood swing issues to argue about or quarrel over.

This is it. Thank you for the all the time and effort given.

I'm sorry I can't be the gf you want me to be.

I'm sorry for hurting you during the past 1 and 1/2 years.

I'm really sorry and I hope you can understand the decision I have made.

It is the best for both of us.

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