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Friday, April 27, 2007

Nothing much abt this entry. Just wanna say daddy is coming back tonight. I'm leaving for the airport soon. Sooooooo happy!

Hooray!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been rather busy with work & falling sick. I realise i haven't been blogging much abt my work.

Hmmmm... Let's see... Apart from a new guy irritating me rather badly, otherwise everything is pretty fine.

I shall blog again when the blogging bug bites me or when i don't feel that life sucks so much. Sorry guys. Really no mood.

See ya ard... Do continue to support my blog.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I went to cut my hair on mon. It's damn short now. I cut my hair when ever i'm unhappy so i better start cheering up now.

Any shorter, i'll be going bald soon. Actually it's not such a bad idea. I was really tempted to shave myself since the weather is so hot now.

There's a chinese saying that tou fa shi san qian fan nao si (hairs are the roots of all troubles). So getting them off my head sounds pretty good.

I was just joking. I don't want to be the centre of attraction wherever i go. People stare at me not because i'm pretty but because i look funny & weird.

I bought fruit tarts & send it to deardear's camp that day as well. He did not say thanks but just said that he will eat it. I guess that's good enough. He has a pride afterall.

Today, i sent him his favourite double cheese burger. He did not say anything but i can sense through the messages that he send me. He is talking abit nicer to me already.

I'm really happy that though he did not say it out but he actually appreciates what i've done for him.

Mayb i'm just lying to myself but i don't care. It's better than feeling sad & miserable. As long as i feel there is still some hope left i will not give up.

I tell myself everyday that i must be a better person & i must not give up. I must carry on working hard to get this marriage back on the track no matter how long it takes.

Sheila Chan! Gambatte!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Yesterday was Friday The 13th. My favourite day. To others, it's an unlucky day but for it's my lucky day & 13 is my favourite number.

It was also the start of my new life without a husband. I did not contact him at all for the whole day. I hope he feels peaceful enough.

Today is our 2 yrs 2 mths anniversary but i have not receive a single message from him. I tried calling him but he did not answer.

I don't know why he had to deliberately avoid me.

Anyway, today i just wanna blog abt a song. I heard this song when i was 18. I think it's a very nice song & it has my name in it!

I have been searching for the song for the past few years but no successful attempts because i didn't know the name of the song & the singer.

I decided to try my luck at youtube & surprise! They really have that song. All i did was just type my name in the search engine.

Mayb all of you should try typing your name & who knows your name may be used as a song just like mine. It's totally cool.

I would still prefer to have that song in a mp3 format & not video like this so i can load into my hp & use it as a ringtone.

Have no idea how to do that though. I've been searching for that song but just can't find it. I really really want it.

Anybody knows where to find it?

Please email me if you have that song or know where to find it ok? Would appreciate it very much.

Enjoy the song.

Ready For The World - Oh Sheila

Friday, April 13, 2007

Wanted to blog on tues because i had a big quarrel with deardear in the morning but wasn't in the mood to blog.

Decided to blog on wed but last min they told me i had to stay back for meeting. When i reach home, it was pretty late already & my mum borrowed my com.

Told myself that i must blog on thurs but i kena food poisoning & needed to rest. Was running to & fro the toilet to vomit.

Wtf man? It's so difficult to blog. So many things had to happen when i just wanna blog my all my unhappy feelings out.

Perhaps i'm not meant to blog abt it at all... *bashes own head* Then what the fuck is my blog for?

Now i don't know what i wanna blog abt already. This sucks man. I wanna get out of this bloody stupid fairytale dream i'm having.

IT'S OVER!

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TRUE LOVE!

THERE IS NO EVERLASTING LOVE & HAPPINESS!

EVERYTHING IS JUST A LIE!

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Yesterday was mummy's birthday & so we brought her to eat steamboat. Nothing much happened then.

Happy Birthday Mummy!

Everything is still the same. Nothing changed. Deardear is still treating me the same way except he now doesn't lose his temper at me even when i did irritate him at times.

Deardear says that he doesn't believe in love anymore. It makes me upset to hear him say that. It really breaks my heart. I guess i left a mark in his heart for hurting him so badly.

We haven't been talking much. We just watch tv the whole day for almost everyday. To make things slightly better for me, he does smiles at me once awhile.

I think i should be glad & satisfied that he's not treating me so badly. At least he's trying. Still, all humans are greedy. I definitely hope things can get better & he can treat me even better.

Luckily, i don't have to think so much on weekdays because i have work to do. It takes my mind off things but at night & weekends, it's another different thing.

Tomorrow onwards, deardear will be confined for another 2 to 3 weeks as his 2nd batch of recruits are coming. Basically, i won't be seeing him until month end.

I feel so lonely. My heart is lonely. I can only play games to take things off my mind or i wouldn't know what else to do.

I don't like to put on a strong front when i'm feeling weak but i don't wanna others to see my pain. I can be strong in anything except relationships. I'm such a loser.

All my friends are either staying too far or they are not free. I have no friends to look for & go out with anymore. It upsets me even further to think i'm losing all my friends.

I used to think i have alot of friends but why are they slowly drifting apart from me? I don't really have much good & true friends i guess.

All the friends i have were merely aquaintance(spelling error?). Hi bye sort of friends. There's no one for me to talk to anymore. I feel so goddamn lost.

I do have a few good friends but i don't really wanna spoil their mood when going out with them. Why should they share my burden with me? There is no need to trouble others.

I think my heart is dying soon. Deardear, if you ever read this, i just wanna tell you how much i love you. I'm very sorry for hurting you. I really hope you can forgive me... someday...

Till the day comes, i'll continue to be a better person like i promise. I love you forever & ever...

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

I wanted to blog on sunday but it was 1st of April & i don't want people to think that whatever i'm saying is an April Fool Joke.

I wanted to blog yesterday but i was feeling too tired cause i was so worried abt my new job the next day that i couldn't sleep well.

The 1st day of work was pretty fine except that i vomited in the morning due to too much nervousness i had in me. Gah! I'm so lousy.

2nd day of work was pretty much the same. Doing fine. Learning new things. Trying to cope with all my new knowledge. Colleagues were all pretty nice to me.

Had a talk with deardear on saturday in front of Rachel & Wilson. Don't know what is going on in his mind. Having them there wasn't that bad actually.

They did help calm my nerves though i still feel that it is purely between me & deardear. Still, they are my witness to what have been said that night.

Things are still the same i guess. Not talking much to one another. He is still treating me coldly though he doesn't lose his temper at me anymore.

Maybe that's because i did not do anything to irritate him. I don't know & i don't really wanna care. I have a job to do & i really wanna change myself for the better.

Of cause i have no wish to lose my husband but what i can do now is to change & maybe someday he will come back to me again.

I really hope that will happen. I love him too much to let him go. Please pray for me. I promise not to commit the same mistake again.

Recently, he has been acting very weird. He messages in secret, talks on the phone in secret like he walks to a side to talk when there's a phonecall.

I don't wanna think so much. I still believe that my husband will not do anything to betray me. Now i can only pray for things to turn for the better slowly.

To ling ling who signed my guestbook asking me to take down her photo. Here's my reply to you.

NO!!!

Hahaha... Bleah! Come come. I wait at Bukit Batok for you. Come kill me. I wait. Kakaka!
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