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Sunday, April 8, 2007

Yesterday was mummy's birthday & so we brought her to eat steamboat. Nothing much happened then.

Happy Birthday Mummy!

Everything is still the same. Nothing changed. Deardear is still treating me the same way except he now doesn't lose his temper at me even when i did irritate him at times.

Deardear says that he doesn't believe in love anymore. It makes me upset to hear him say that. It really breaks my heart. I guess i left a mark in his heart for hurting him so badly.

We haven't been talking much. We just watch tv the whole day for almost everyday. To make things slightly better for me, he does smiles at me once awhile.

I think i should be glad & satisfied that he's not treating me so badly. At least he's trying. Still, all humans are greedy. I definitely hope things can get better & he can treat me even better.

Luckily, i don't have to think so much on weekdays because i have work to do. It takes my mind off things but at night & weekends, it's another different thing.

Tomorrow onwards, deardear will be confined for another 2 to 3 weeks as his 2nd batch of recruits are coming. Basically, i won't be seeing him until month end.

I feel so lonely. My heart is lonely. I can only play games to take things off my mind or i wouldn't know what else to do.

I don't like to put on a strong front when i'm feeling weak but i don't wanna others to see my pain. I can be strong in anything except relationships. I'm such a loser.

All my friends are either staying too far or they are not free. I have no friends to look for & go out with anymore. It upsets me even further to think i'm losing all my friends.

I used to think i have alot of friends but why are they slowly drifting apart from me? I don't really have much good & true friends i guess.

All the friends i have were merely aquaintance(spelling error?). Hi bye sort of friends. There's no one for me to talk to anymore. I feel so goddamn lost.

I do have a few good friends but i don't really wanna spoil their mood when going out with them. Why should they share my burden with me? There is no need to trouble others.

I think my heart is dying soon. Deardear, if you ever read this, i just wanna tell you how much i love you. I'm very sorry for hurting you. I really hope you can forgive me... someday...

Till the day comes, i'll continue to be a better person like i promise. I love you forever & ever...

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