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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Ultimate Stress...

Lately, alot has been happening at home. It had been a very unhappy Christmas.

I have lots of mixed feelings within me. Sad, disappointed, shocked, betrayal, cheated, denial.

All i wanted was someone close to me who can understand me and go thru all this trials of tough times with me but apparently, there is none.

I wanna end all this unhappiness once and for all but it's not within my means to do so.

Sometimes i wonder why i have to go thru all this unneccessary mental stress. It's very unhealthy for me.

I only have 1 answer to that. I have to learn to be strong so as to overcome everything. Instead of mentally breaking down, i become stronger.

I believe that my happiness is out there waiting for me. I have to fight to get out from the maze of unhappiness and my happiness will be there waiting for me.

The day will come. I just have to endure for now. God will give me my well deserved happiness.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!!!




Let's Sing together everybody~~~~
Latest Christmas carol for 2008..

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise Recession is coming to town
It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!
Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk So keep out for goodness sake, OH
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town !

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Holiday Mood..

Christmas is just round the corner. I'm already in the holiday mood but i'm not really that excited abt Christmas celebration.

Many things has been going on around me and trapping me in a small space till i can't breath at all.

I feel so miserable at times but nobody knows. I'm only good at doing my job well and keeping things to myself.

I know that certain memories can only be kept in my heart. Those memories are in the past and will never come back again.

All that is left are just lies. Blatant lies and fake promises. Beautiful things just don't last long enough for you to enjoy.

In a snap of the finger and it's gone. *Poof!* Just like this and we are thrown back into reality which is harsh and realistic.

It's a cruel world out there. I can only find peace in God's presence. Only HE can give me the strength to carry on.

I'm so afraid of losing my mind or i might have really lost it that i actually bought a hamster for my brother when he requested it.

It's not that bad i guess. I just hope he can learn to be more responsible. I will also take ownership of the hamster.

She's really cute and adorable. It was love at first sight. I couldn't resist the urge to bring her home. I'm so in love... =)

Having her keeps my mind sane. At least i know i'm not going crazy or anywhere near breaking down.

2 old school friends has been looking for me and asking me out. I'm pretty much happy to see them again. Haven't seen them for the last 8 years or so eversince i quit school.

Miss those days when we were still notorious naughty students taunting each and every teacher that comes into our classroom.

I guess most of us has changed except me but we still have fun while we were out with each other. I realised how much i miss them.

They will be organizing a gathering for other ex classmates as well. Can't wait to see them all grown up. Lol..

Will probably meet this 2 friends this weekend again to go out and have some fun.

Will try to update again soon. Thanks to those dear friends who care. Love you guys.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Horrible experience

Last night on my way home, i encounter a horrible experience. A malay guy walk up towards me and ask me where i'm going.

He was smiling pervertly to me. I ignored him and just continue walking feeling abit scared and thinking if i should look for help.

I never expected that he would actually walk 1 big round just to catch me at the entrance of the lift grinning pervertly at me again.

I really got a nasty shock to see him there but i was really lucky as there's a auntie there already waiting for a lift.

That stupid pervert malay guy walk away in disappointment. I quickly went into the lift with the auntie and told her what happened.

She said i was really lucky that she too just got back and she also said that she have never seen this guy around before.

I thank God and the auntie for saving me in time. If it was just me and the guy, who would have known what would happen.

It really freaked me out totally bringing back alot of bad memories of the past when i was young.

I was shivering when i reach home. I went into my room and cry myself to sleep.

I hope this thing will not happen again.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Confused...

Sorry for not blogging for such a long time. Don't feel like blogging at all.

Might be ignoring this blog for an even longer period of time till i get my things settled.

Alot is going through my mind and i'm having a hell lot of mixed emotions right now. I feel sad, angry, dejected and confused.

I'm at the point of breaking out into tears soon. I'm really just a simple girl who just wants to be happy. Why do i have to suffer all this mental torture?

I've been thinking of doing something but i'm still holding back. I don't know what is wrong with me.

I only know that things are gonna turn very ugly but that's the only way i can bring peace to myself.

I'm not superwoman. I'm human and i have feelings. People just keep doing things to hurt me. I keep seeing things that i don't wanna see.

I don't wanna fall back into darkness again but here i am struggling for my life and my own happiness all by myself.

There's no one to help me. All alone by myself. I know i need to be strong and i've struggled through all kinds of shit.

Still, there will be times where i will go weak and start thinking all sorts of nonsense. Suffering mental stress which is not at all healthy for me.

I need to take action for my own future and my own happiness.

But nobody understands me. Where is all the support and encouragement i need?

I really don't wanna suffer anymore. I'm so tired of putting up a strong front when i'm feeling weak.

Who is there to help me? Who can help me?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

No time...

Bah! I thought i would have more time to relax after the Loo Campaign organised by the World Restroom Association but i seem to get more and more busy.

So many month end reports to do, load photos, attend course and 1 particular new sales person is irritating the shit out of me not to mention the usual rubbish coming from Branch Support.

I swear i will not Ms Nice Lady anymore if she pisses me off 1 more time. Don't understand how an adult woman like her can act like that with that kind of behaviour.

Don't wanna talk about her right now. Let me have a nice weekend for once. I'm already having enough stress.

My handphone is a total goner. Even Sony Ericsson can't save my phone. What luck! So it's time for me to burn a hole in my pocket again.

The only good thing is that my pimples are getting slightly better though it's still pretty red and i think the scars are gonna stay awhile.

I also bought a new camera and i love it so much!!! It's the Canon PowerShot E1 and it's in baby pink colour. Gracie is soooooo jealous. Lol..

If you wanna view the photos i've taken during the campaign then go here.

I have also posted photos of our sales BBQ organised by KAM(Key Account Manager) Team.

Now it's time for me to go relax and watch some shows. Will try to blog more often.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I'm busted!

It had been a really lousy week for me. I certainly hope this week will get better.

1st, i had the school calling me to tell me that there wasn't enough student for the course i'm taking and therefore there will be no class.

I was really upset. I almost cried. I have been looking forward to the classes and as the date comes nearer, they say no class.

I felt really lost. The next intake is next year March. I don't know if i can wait that long. Maybe i'll look out for other schools.

Remember that 2 years ago i was knocked down by a vehicle in Indonesia? Recently, i fell down the stairs, knock my head and was admitted to the hospital.

I've heard that people die a few months later after they knocked their head. I wonder if i'm 1 of them. I hope not. Sounds abit scary.

I seem to be very prone to accidents huh? If my dad was a millionaire, i would employ bodyguards to follow me everywhere i go.

Just a dream... I'll probably marry a billionaire. Lol... Better start taking care of my face now.

Lots of outbreaks on my face recently. My colleagues say it might be due to hormone change and everyone is giving me different advices and asking to buy different facial wash. I hear until blur.

The worst thing that happened to me apart from falling down the stairs was that i actually forgot to take my handphone out from my jeans before putting it to wash.

By the time i realise, my handphone is already going round and round in the washing machine. Totally panicked as i can't open the washing machine until it has stopped washing.

When i got my handphone out, it was soaked with water and look totally sparkling clean. Really wanna burst out in tears le.

Now i just hope that after it dries up, i can still use the phone. Don't wanna spend unneccessary money in getting a new phone.

The campaign is coming nearer which is this wednesday. Hope to get over it soon then i can finally relax for awhile.

Will update again after the event is over. That's all for now.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Busy...

Arghhhhh....

No time to blog. There's an upcoming event organised by the Restroom organization and our company is 1 of the sponsors.

It's called the Loo Campaign and it will be held at the Singapore Zoo. We also have a booth there to promote our products.

The whole team will be there to educate the public on our hygiene services. Eversince i started working here, i've been paying alot of attention to my personal hygiene.

Now i know how important it to wash our hands properly and sanitizations. There are so many germs around us and we never really pay any attention to it.

I hope i don't become those people who are so extreme about cleanliness. Lol.. Not that they are bad la but too extreme also not very good ba.

We humans have to live with abit of dirt else our immune system won't work properly.

Ok. Enough of that. My main purpose is to say that i'll probably have more time to blog after the event.

Been working around the clock non-stop. Too many things to settle and too little time to do it. I've been assigned a hell lot of task.

Hope the event will run smoothly. Gotta run. Lots of work awaits me.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Stress...

Today we had the 1st meeting with the new manager, Jaya on board. The meeting lasted for nearly half a day with lots of new issues.

My sales people had their share of complains on how much suffering we had with the unsupportive help of branch support.

At the same time, he also implemented alot of things on me which Jimmy never did in the past because he knows it's gonna be tough on me.

Jaya being totally new to our industry of cause had no idea. Apparently, it was the directive from our dear GM.

I'm gonna be overloaded soon but still, i had to get on with it. I'll try it for a month or so to see how well i can deal with it.

I wanna see how far i can stretch my limits. He say will employ an assistant for me but whether the headcount will be approved is still another thing.

I see darkness ahead of me. Gonna be totally engulfed by it soon. My life sucks but at least i'm proven to be capable of handling things well. =)

He initially suggested me to join the sales as a BDE (Business Development Executive) which is what all my sales are doing.

Reason being that i'm still so new in the company, never went through public training course before and yet i did so well in the training i gave them.

I don't know to believe or not. Sounds like an excuse to push me go do sales. I rejected him. I said i'm not ready yet.

The company is in a mess now, new sales scheme sucks and i know what kind of suffering my BDEs went through.

I'll wait till when things are better before considering joining. Can't be a sales coordinator for the rest of my life right?

It's not such a bad idea la since i'm gonna take diploma in Sales & Marketing after my cert. It would help to have some field experience.

The plan for my life in the next 10 years would be to go into the managerial post when i reach 35. I believe i can do it.

My life isn't that bad actually huh? Because i have God in my life. Gonna go sleep le cause my eyes are half-closed. Zzzzzz......

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Sorry for the lack of updates.

Went out on Deepavali with my sis and khai. We went to watch movie, The Coffin. What can i say? Most lame thai horror show i've ever watched.

Been really busy with work. Was to give admin training on wednesday on our system and necessary paperwork to new staff so was busy preparing the materials.

So far working here, 3 colleagues has already left us so here comes new staff and thanks to Jimmy, i had to give the training.

3 ladies and Jaya, the man who is taking over Jimmy's position aka my future manager. I think i really sucks at teaching.

1 to 1 training i'm still ok la but teaching so many people at the same time in conference room is seriously not my forte.

I get stucked with words at times. I've only seen Jimmy do such trainings but never expect that he will throw me go die like this.

Wahahahaha! Actually not a bad experience la. Since i know my stuff well and Jimmy has enough trust in me to do a good job i should be proud ba.

I should share my knowledge with my new colleagues and if i teach them well, they won't come disturb me in the future le. Kekeke...

After training, Jimmy told me that our GM wanted to join in de but i was already half way through the training le.

Am i lucky or what? If she were to join, i think i'll perspire like mad, stress out and break down on the spot. Lol...

Eventually, i did fall sick yesterday. Had slight fever and my throat was feeling really dry. Felt dizzy and kept running to the toilet. Get nauseous when i smell food.

Doctor say that i overstretch my stomach that's why stomach don't feel well. I was thinking to myself that i already don't eat much lor.

Just happen that i was feeling extremely hungry after the training and all i had was a fish burger la. Got people more suay than me anot?

Anyway, today is Halloween's Day. Wooooooooooooo... Pontianak coming to catch you tonight. Wishing everyone a Happy Halloween!

To join in the fun and create the atmosphere, here's a picture for all to enjoy!

Warning: Not for the weak-hearted.



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Boo!

Scary anot? =p

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

A super lousy day

Yippee! I finally got my internet connection back but it came at a very heavy price.

Yesterday i was on leave so i went down to orchard to apply internet since i have a friend working there, but i didn't meet him at all cause he went out to do some business. His colleague attended to me instead.

I was soooooo happy that they actually provide cash and carry which means i don't have to wait for them to deliver. I just carry the modem home and plug in myself.

It was a pretty hot day so i thought of sitting down someplace and have a drink.

I was walking along the pavement and as you guys know that on top of the drain, there's always a metal plate.

Who would expect the metal plate to give way? I step on 1 that did and my whole leg went into the drain.

I had 1 hand carrying my bag and another hand holding on to the modem in a plastic bag. Was kinda heavy.

I was lucky not to fall face flat into the drain. I did not sustain any injuries but i did sort of sprain my ankle a little and stretch my lower thigh muscles.

Sooooooooooo super paiseh la and was in alot of pain. Everybody just stare and nobody actually step forward to help. I was wearing a super short mini skirt some more. Talk about adding insult to injury man.

I felt pretty helpless at that point of time and almost cried but i told myself that i have been through alot more things that's much worse than this so it's nothing.

I've already grown up and i can take care of myself. Cannot cry like a small kid anymore. I picked myself up and limped to the nearest cafe.

I ordered a ice cold mocha and sat down on a sofa to rest my leg. The mocha didn't have much taste but i still felt satisfied.

I guess i'm a pretty easily satisfied person. I felt really relaxed sitting down there with a shelter over my head. I didn't feel so relatively hot anymore.

Alot went through my mind while i was wasting time away but it felt pretty good to be all alone sitting there and enjoying my drink.

I cleared alot of my thoughts there with no disturbance. I know what i want to do with my life and my long term plans.

I only pray that i have enough time to do everything i want to do.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Lousy Week...

It has been a really lousy week for me. On monday, i was called into the GM office and got reprimanded for nothing.

My internet has been cut off because the contract ended. Very sickening. Lots of work to do even when i'm at home but can't access my email.

My wisdom tooth is giving me lots of pain since last week. Arghhhhh!!!!

Yesterday during meeting, my manager announce a really bad news to us. He is being taken down by the GM to the R&D department with effect on 1st Nov.

Another guy from drainage department will be promoted as our manager. I think it was a result of my manager fighting too hard for us.

It really came as a shocking news to me. Was unable to accept it. It feels as though my mum is telling me my dad is not my real dad that kind of feeling.

Ya. I know it's abit exaggerating la but i really feel very sad lor. I will miss my boss la. I couldn't help but weep like a small kid. Why is the GM so against us?

We are afterall the only department generating revenue for the company. Sighz... I guess that's what happen when there is a new GM on board.

Different thinking, different ways of doing things. We staff of the low ranking can only accept and adapt to the changes. I really hate working under woman sometimes.

I think there will be more to come. A storm awaits us at the front. We must brace ourselves to survive the storm. Only 2 choices. Do or die!

Suddenly feel like watching my wedding video again. Started crying all over again but it feels pretty good to let it out.

I guess i just needed a reason to cry and let out my frustrations except i don't vent it some innocent party like what i used to do in the past.

The video shows 2 very happy people. The guy was doing all the demands from all the jie mei's so he could get to his wife.

There they are smiling so happily and looking forward to a happily ever after life together. He promised her dad to look after and take good care of her.

Now this 2 person has already gone from the surface of the world. There is no trace of them left. What's left is only memories and pieces from a broken heart.

Even though it hurts but i realise from watching the video that i don't regret marrying him at all despite all the things he have done to hurt me.

It's just that things happen in such a fast pace, i have no time to catch my breath at all. Now that i have all the time, i'm beginning to heal bit by bit.

I won't say i have totally got over this whole issue but it doesn't really hurt me that much anymore and i don't really care anymore.

Some things are just not worth the effort anymore and i shouldn't be wasting time dwelling on it. I have already moved on with my life.

For the 1st time, i tasted the sweetness of freedom and not getting tied down by someone else. I can go anywhere i like and do whatever i like.

For the 1st time, i can stand on my own feet and not depend on someone else. Being independent feels really good.

For the 1st time, i can do things i want to do without having to think and care about what others will say but of cause, if the things i do will get them involved or hurt them, i won't do it.

I do miss him at times but not so much anymore. I'm slowly forgetting him. He is slowly fading away from my mind.

All i have and care about now is my work, my studies, my family and friends who truly care.

I don't think i will go to beyond's concert le. I'm saving up my money for a certain future plan that i have in mind.

Talking about concert. I forgot to mention this in my trip to genting. Sammi happen to be there having a concert while we were there.

The tickets are like freaking cheap la. Grace was pestering me to go to the concert with her but the cheapest tickets ran out real fast.

She kept grumbling about me not fast enough to buy the tickets. I offered her to go alone on a more expensive ticket but she don't want.

What we did was to stand outside the stadium on the cold lonely streets and try to catch what was going on inside.

I was freezing on the insides le but still continue to stay there like an idiot. Can hear abit also song lor. I think Grace and me can be very mad at times.

I also saw my ex driving instructor, Mr. Lim there on the day we were suppose to go home. What a coincidence huh?

Sighz... End of my lunch break. Back to work.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Life is so far so good...

Beyond is coming to town again. The last i saw of them was like 2 years back. I'm a huge fan of theirs and was very sad when the lead singer died in a freak accident.

I badly wanna go see them again but i don't think i should spend the money like this plus this time round, it's only 2 of them though my favourite drummer is coming.

Sighz... Growing up is torturing. There are so many things you need to learn and always have to think twice about a certain decision but i guess that's life.

I receive my letter of acceptance loh. Tomorrow go make payment to make sure i get a place 1st. So happy... Can't wait for my course to start.

I realise that i don't really blog much about my job. Well... I think i just didn't know what to say. Work is good. My boss is also good. Colleagues good.

My boss brings me out when i request to see a particular job done cause i'm interested to know more about our products and how is the process.

Just like today. I just went to see our service guys at work. Pretty cool and it feels good to get out of the office once awhile.

I'm learning alot of new things on our products and services. Everything just seem so interesting and amazing to me and my boss is more than happy to show it to me.

I get to go around with him and see how he close sales. Today i even get to go home early cause we ended at a weird timing and it doesn't seem right for me to go back office.

Apart from that, the only bad thing is that sales team everyday is like having a constant war with branch support. Shall further explain when i've got the time.

In a way, it's somehow like sales against branch support. Department against department and not internal conflict or politics.

We work pretty well as a team and my boss is always there supporting us so i'm pretty happy with the way things are.

So what more can i ask for? Life may sucks at times but that's life. No one is perfect. Everyone meets up with problems in their everyday lives.

I'm not a troublemaker but i attract troubles like honey attracts bees. I'm just glad to have my family and friends supporting me all this while.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Genting Trip Part 2

I promised photos but after posting them up in friendster, i really super lazy to post it up here le. If you guys wanna see it then go view my friendster ok? Sorry la...

This is my friendster web address. http://profiles.friendster.com/4603667

Overall, the genting trip had been pretty fun. Will probably be going again soon. This time, i'll just stay in the casino. Lol...

I'm in a pretty happy mood because i got my confirmation letter and an increment to go with it. Super happy!

Last night something happened. I was washing my face and when i look into the mirror, i saw 1 bloody big cockroach climbing on the tiles behind me.

The 1st thing i did was to call out for him to kill the pest. He took a roll of newspaper, went into the bathroom and "SMACK!"

For one moment, it felt as though my husband is back and we are a happily married couple but i know it's not true.

I felt that way for about 1 sec when i jolted back to reality again. He is gone. The husband that i love has already left me.

I still kinda miss him at times and wonder where he went to.

The guy that stands in front of me right now, i no longer know who he is.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Genting Trip Part 1

Dear friends, i'm back! Do you guys miss me? I pretty much had fun playing the indoor and outdoor themepark and not to forget gambling at the casino.

Photos coming up on the next entry, that is if i have the time to upload. I promise i'll try if i'm not feeling too lazy.

Everything had been pretty much fine till the last day. I had a big quarrel with my mum and she just had to dig up my wound that i try so hard to conceal.

I cried all the way from genting back to singapore. Even when i reach home, i couldn't stop tearing. I couldn't sleep the whole night.

I try hard not to blame her but i gotta admit that till now, i am still unable to understand and accept why she would curse my marriage to fail.

And he who promises to prove her wrong did not keep to his promise. Is she any happier now that her curse came true?

All my nightmares are back again. When will i get over it again? Why does life have to be so difficult? I just wanna be happy.

I'm very tired of crying. It hurts my eyes badly. Everytime i tear, my eyes sting and my vision blurred out. It's very painful.

I will get over it again. I just need time. I need peace. I need to be alone on my own.

My father has been complaining about me being too skinny. Even my father-in-law has been saying the same thing.

I admit i have lost near to 10kgs eversince the thing started but looking on the bright side, my waist is now a perfect 24cm, i lost that flabby tummy i've been trying so hard to get rid of and now i can wear clothes that i can't wear in the past.

I'm not aneroxic though i nearly became 1 vomitting whatever i juz swallowed. I do eat. Just that it's not easy for me to gain weight anymore and i would love to keep my figure like this.

It was not a healthy way to lose weight but at that point of time, i was really too upset to eat and my body was not absorbing anything i eat due to being too depressed.

Someone once asked me that if i was to be given a 2nd chance to choose. Would i still choose Nicholas as my husband.

The answer would be yes.

The love we shared though painful was very sweet too. My love for him is true and i loved him from the bottom of my heart.

Memories of him and the time we spend together are still on my mind. I have never forgotten them. I just choose not to think, not to remember.

It seems just like yesterday when we got married and now, we are on our separate ways.

Then someone asked me again, even if i have to go through all this heart pains and suffering again?

The answer would still be yes.

If everyone knew what to do, none of this would have happened. I would probably be happily married and probably be the happiest gal around.

I don't regret the decisions i make. I know i have loved him deeply and i thank God for giving me the chance to once love a person with all my heart and to be loved by him too.

Life has many ups and downs and everyone makes mistakes. It's just a matter of how we face it and how willing we are to accept it.

I remember he once told me that he don't have a big heart like my dad that he can keep accepting nonsense and forgive.

All i know is that nobody said that a marriage was easy to maintain. I know it may sound silly but who would give up on something they love so much?

Though he may not love me anymore but i do know that my love for him will carry on and eventually be buried deep somewhere in my heart.

Seeing him happy now is all that matters.

Enough of sad tales. Tomorrow got barbeque at Khai father's condo. Yummy! It's been a long time since i barbequed. Gonna eat lots and lots of oily food.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Angry? Happy? Sad?

So angry! I am so so so angry today. Don't wanna talk about it anymore. I hate people who always expects help from others but don't wanna help others.

Selfish la! Arghhhhh!!! I'm so angry plus i got drenched in the morning while going to work. But i'm not a person who hold grudges. I'll forget about it soon. Keke...

Woohoo! I'm also very happy. Counting down the days. 1 more day and off i go to have fun and leave this busy and sad world behind for 4 days.

Hope by the time i come back, i'll only be busy and not sad anymore. Actually, i stop feeling sad quite some time ago le.

But i'm afterall human ma. Once in awhile still will feel some emotions de. I'm not cold-blooded nor am i heartless ok?

Can't wait. Time pass by faster please. Therefore, dear friends if you are looking for me, i'll be back on sun night. Don't miss me too much. Lol...

May all the people i care about have an enjoyable weekend. Love ya guys! Muacks! Tata...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Feeling lousy...

Today a sudden surge of emotions overwhelmed me. Cried non-stop the moment i reached home.

Suddenly, i became vulnerable to every word said to me and action done to me. The sense of loneliness is killing me.

Does everybody have days like this too? I don't know. All i know is i feel damn lousy all of a sudden.

I will get over it i think. Maybe... I need a break.

Leave me alone...

Friday, September 19, 2008

THE DONKEY

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all
grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first,
the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.Then,
to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that
hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,
everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of
the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest
wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a
step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive..

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tired...

No time to update. Very sorry to all my dear friends. Been really busy with work. Every night come home i already brain dead.

Work is fine. Life is pretty fine too i think. Work is slightly stressful and busy. Too many responsibilities.

It's good cause it keeps me busy and it just proves that i am capable of working compared to what some others that think likewise of me.

My manager dotes on me alot and i have a bunch of really nice and caring sales team. We are like 1 big family. No doubts there will be politics but everything is pretty much under control.

I just hope i can do my job well and don't get into any trouble. My manager expects alot from me and i don't wanna disappoint him.

My team are all depending on me to process their documents for them so no space for any mistakes to be made.

I've been feeling pretty sick recently. Sick of seeing and hearing things that i'm trying to avoid. Nah! I'm really feeling sick.

Some say i overwork but i think not. Maybe i'm just trying to cope with anger management and stress. Weather hasn't been really good either and i've always been weak.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm a grown up gal and i can take care of myself. I know where my limit is.

Time is running out for me and there are still so many things i have yet to do. I just hope i have enough time.

I'm counting down the days till i start my studies. Something else to occupy my mind that is overflowing with knowledge.

Not to worry! My brain takes in things like a sponge. I am confident i can do well that is if my body can take it.

Shouldn't be a problem ba. I have too much energy and no where to use it. I'll try not to let my body system break down though. =p

Will post up some photos of my colleagues the next time i blog. Very lazy now. Eyes are half closing. Total brain deadness.

Chaos.. Adieus.. Sayonara.. Till the next time i blog again..

Monday, September 8, 2008

I'm touched...

I used to feel that when the elderly cares for you, it can be really irritating and annoying because all they do is nag and nag and nag. I really hate it but...

Only when you are down, they can feel it and they will be there for you though ultimately, we have to stand on our own feet because they won't always be there for me.

Now i truly know how it feels to have someone care for me when i thought i have lost everything. I begin to give up on myself.

But, they have never given up hope on me. They are always there silently watching over me. They don't say but they actually care. I feel really lucky to have them.

They watch me grow from a small little girl who has bad temper, unreasonable behaviour and a total spoilt brat to a more sensible human being.

They can sense when i'm upset and lost. They give encouraging words. They teach me the way of life. To think i used to find them a pain. Not anymore.

They are the treasure i never knew i had and i'm very touched by their actions. I will treasure them till the day we have to say goodbye though i wish i can always be with them.

They taught all they could and i've learnt how to care for others and think before i say anything. I really wanna love them, care for them and i truly appreciate them.

I finally know the meaning of jia you yi lao, ru you yi bao. It's very true. Please care for the elderly at your home before you lose them and it would be too late to say I'm Sorry.

I made a mistake once and i'm not gonna repeat it again. I will treasure whatever i have now until the day comes when we can no longer be together.

May God always bless them...

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Let the rain wash everything unhappy away

Today i walked home in the rain. Heaven must have known that i was feeling upset and therefore sent this rain to wash away my pain.

I just realise that some of the memories that i treasure alot has been erased. It no longer exist in my life.

Yes... Fate has just played another joke on me. It hurts alot but it's not going to hurt long though it has once again open up a wound and left a scar in me.

Life has dealt me with many blows but i will learn to stand up again. I will pick myself up again.

I've been through the darkest moments in my life and i don't think anything can be worse than that. Though i have not walked out of it entirely yet but i think i can do it.

From that moment onwards, nothing and no one can bring me down again. As the rain lash onto my face and the cold wind blowing against my wet body, i did not feel cold at all.

The only thing that has gone cold is my heart. I teared for a moment and i told myself to be strong.

Some things are just not worth the effort anymore. I should just let it go. Let the rain wash away my pains and unhappy memories.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

You're My Sunshine!

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You never know, dear, how much I love you,

Please don't take my sunshine away.

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping,

I dreamed I held you in my arms

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

Please don't take my sunshine away...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

How i feel at times... Can you see it? Can you feel it?

Got all this from a good friend whom i think he would like his blog to be more low profile so i'm not gonna say who. Sorry i took this without your permission but it really fits how i feel at times and i think it's really cute...









Thursday, August 21, 2008

Unique Flaws...

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each
hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across
her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot
was perfect and always delivered a full portion of
water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the
house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman
bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own
imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half
of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure,
it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my
side causes water to leak out all the way back to your
house.

'The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are
flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other
pot's side?'

'That's because I have always known about your flaw,
so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and
every day while we walk back, you water them.'

'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful
flowers to decorate the table..

Without you being just the way you are, there would
not be this beauty to grace the house.'

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks
and flaws we each have that make our lives together
so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are
and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and
remember to smell the flowers on your side of the
path!

The will of GOD will never take you where the grace of GOD will not protect you.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Who am i?

Been really busy working. So many things to do but i never seem to have enough time to do it all. No mind for blogging. I don't know what to write also.

I'm like a wandering spirit floating around with no certain place to call my own. Still learning to be a better person.

I'm slowly forgetting how he looks like. The more i try to remember, the more faded and blur is the image in my mind.

But i know that he still lives in my heart because i still do miss him and there will be the occasional heart pains.

Although i'm busy but my heart is lonely. He is always on my mind. I'm always wondering what he is doing. Did he take his lunch? Is he happy?

I miss talking to him on the phone. I even miss the times we quarrel over small little things. Whatever happened to us now?

I've been pondering on what actually happened. Everything happen so fast, i'm still having difficulty believing that all this has happened.

Why did he give up on me when we were so in love? Then i think of the Sheila he fell in love with. Where has she gone to? Can i ever get her back?

Why did things change? Did i change after i got married? Where is the husband i fell in love with? I don't know for sure if he has changed. We haven't talk for a long time.

People who knows me well enough will know what happened to my father-in-law. It's nearly a year since his operation.

He was suppose to recover within half a year but till now he is still in pain. I pray for him every night and it hurts me to see him suffering like this.

But he is taking things pretty easily. I told him to enjoy life now and don't care abt anything. Just be happy everyday.

Although things between me and my husband are like this but i still treat them like my own parents and i love them. I know they care alot abt me too.

I was really stupid and childish to quarrel with deardear abt them. What was i thinking saying bad things abt them? I felt like a fool when i think back.

Right now i just wanna spend whatever time i have left with them happily. Live together in harmony. I might not have the chance anymore when the time comes for me to leave.

My mum is also having health problems. The vein in her eye burst and now her vision is blurred. Doctor says it's because of high blood pressure.

How do i put it across to her that she must take things easy and not think so much? If the main artillery of her eyes burst too, she'll go blind.

Sometimes i'm also afraid that i might cry myself blind 1 day. I try to be happy everyday and not think of anything that will upset me.

But tears still flow even when i'm asleep. It won't be easy for me to get thru this heart pain though the pain are not so intense nowadays.

I still love him and i just can't seem to stop loving him. I loved him deeply with all my heart and soul. I can't take it back anymore.

I have decided not to run anymore. I will face up to my own feelings. I know how much i love him and how important he is to me in my life.

I will continue to love him till the day i'm gone from this world. I will always be by his side watching over him so when he needs me, i'll be there for him.

That's love... To give and not to take. I've been taking alot so now it's time for me to give. I promised him that i will never leave him and i will keep to that promise.

For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part...

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Looking back...

Looking back at our lives, we realise that we often do alot of foolish things. Some are worth laughing at and some makes us feel disgusted with ourselves.

Those were the days. The things that we do, we often feel we are damn right about it or it's downright funny at that point of time.

We never realise that the things we do often hurt alot of people around us. Humans are selfish creatures often thinking that we are always right.

I'm not a person that likes regrets in whatever i do but very often, i do things which i regret later and it's often too late to do anything to salvage the situation.

We can never turn back time. There are no time for regrets. Things happen for a reason and life goes on no matter what happens.

We can only learn from our mistakes and not commit it again. Things are just not gonna be the same again after the damage is done. The scar will always be there.

I don't know abt others and i have no right to judge others. I, myself often do alot of things to hurt people ard me and in return i get hurt too.

What goes round comes round i guess. You reap what you sow.

The situation i land myself in is often too late to just say sorry. The damage is big and disastrous. I'm always at a lost not knowing what to do.

So often, i lose my sense of direction. Not knowing where to go and who to turn to. Though i believe in God but i can't help myself feeling emotions.

I don't like loneliness. I get scared easily. He was always there for me but have i always been there for him too? Not much, that was why he left.

He has someone there for him now. I should be feeling happy for him but why do i still cry so often? He is no longer by my side but he will always live in my heart.

Days, weeks and months went by. How many lonely nights have i spent on my own? How many hours have i cried for him? How often does he appear in my dreams?

Nights are getting more lonely. Tears flow on their own even when i'm asleep. Dreams are getting lesser. I still miss him alot...

Weekends are a torture to me now. I do not know where to go and what to do. Time passes by so slowly and the day seems so draggy. Sometimes i spend hours just staring at the ceiling.

The time we spend together on weekends are no longer there. All alone on my own. I feel like an abandoned child. Work is all i have now.

Life goes on... I will slowly learn and grow in God's grace... I will be fine... I will be strong... I will be happy in time to come... Time will heal... Everything will get better in time...

Monday, July 28, 2008

~DEATH~

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT!!!!!

A sick man turned to his doctor,

as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said,

"Doctor, I am afraid to die.

Tell me what lies on the other side."

Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."

"You don't know?

You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door;

on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,

and as he opened the door,

a dog sprang into the room

and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said,

"Did you notice my dog?

He's never been in this room before.

He didn't know what was inside.

He knew nothing except that his master was here,

and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.

I know little of what is on the other side of death,

but I do know one thing...

I know my Master is there and that is enough."

May today there be peace within you.

May you trust God that you are exactly

where you are meant to be.

I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet

when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

JUST HOLD ON TO GOD'S UNCHANGING HAND.

We can't change the wind but we can adjust our sails !

Thursday, July 24, 2008

THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED 'LIFE'

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned… She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.


QUESTIONS:

1. What were the five words?

2. What is the implication of this story?




ANSWER: The husband just said 'I am with you Darling'


The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened... No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step'. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
This story is really worth reading. ... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Happy 25th Birthday To Me!

The day i dread has finally came and gone. Today is a new beginning. I hereby wish myself Happily Living For Quarter Of A Century!

Thanks to all the friends who message me to wish me happy birthday though he wasn't 1 of them but i guess i should have expected it.

My colleagues all gave me a surprise! They treated me to KFC and they order it without me knowing. Very sweet of them and i thought nobody knows it's my birthday.

Thanks to my family for treating me to steamboat. Freaking bloated now. I think i ate till the food reach my throat liao.

I would also like to thank my mother-in-law though she doesn't read my blog. Thanks that she remembered my birthday and made the effort of boiling 2 hard boil eggs for me and gave me an ang pow.

It's some kind of tradition. Peeling the shell is like peeling all the bad things in your life and good things will come into your life. The amount doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts and i'm very much touched by her actions and i truly appreciate it.

Today will be the start of my new life. I have wasted enough time and energy on love and relationship that brings nothing but pain.

I will not do that anymore. From now on, my focus will be on my studies and work. I will not waste anymore time on love and mushy stuffs.

Life sucks too much to be wasting time on feeling pain and misery. Although i know talk is easy and i'm not that strong but i try.

I have lost all trust in love and i do not want to drag something which i have no trust in anymore. I always thought love can overcome everything. I gave all my love and all i got back in return is nothing but pain.

Even if i were to remain single all my life also doesn't really matter because i don't trust in relationships anymore. It's better to have more friends.

Good friends stick to you no matter what happens and never ever leave you in the lurch when you need them the most. Not all though.

But we do not just have 1 good friend. We have lots of good friend and 1 will definitely be there for you when you need them.

I'm just not meant to have love in my life. Maybe not now. Not that it is important to have relationships in our lives but i've tried and failed.The answer is clear.

Career woman i am not because i am just a simple, fragile gal who wants nothing more than just to stay happy.

I pray to God that he will give me that sense of peace and happiness and that all will get better in time.

Amen!

Friday, July 18, 2008

10 Guidelines From God

Effective Immediately,
please be aware that there are changes YOU need
to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be
completed in order that I may fulfill My promises
to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in
this life. I apologize for any inconvenience,
but after all that I am doing, this seems very
little to ask of you. Please, follow
these 10 guidelines

1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit
and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here
to take all your burdens and carry them for you?
Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little
thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it
on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY
to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care
of the problem. I can't help you until you turn
it over to Me. And al though My to-do-list
is long, I am after all... God. I can take care
of anything you put into My hands. In fact,
if the truth were ever really known, I take
care of a lot of things for you that you never
even realize.

3. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me,
quit trying to take them back. Trust in
Me. Have the faith that I will take care of
all your needs, your problems and your trials.
Problems with the kids? Put them on My list.
Problem with finances? Put it on My list.
Problems with your emotional roller coaster ?
For My sake, put it on My list. I want to
help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say,
"Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think
I can handle it from here." Why do you think
you are feeling stronger now? It's simple.
You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking
care of them. I also renew your strength
and cover you in my peace. Don't you
know that if I give you these problems back,
you will be right back where you started?
Leave them with Me and forget about
them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things.
Forget what was making you crazy.
Forget the worry and the fretting because
you know I'm in control. But there's one
thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't
forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU!
I want to hear your voice. I want you to
include Me in on the things going on in your life.
I want to hear you talk about your friends
and family. Prayer is simply you having
a conversation with Me. I want to be your
dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you
can't see from where you are. Have faith in
Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me;
you wouldn't want the view from My eyes.
I will continue to care for you, watch over you,
and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me.
Although I have a much bigger task than you,
it seems as if you have so much trouble just
doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were
only two years old. When did you forget?
That rule still applies. Share with those who are
less fortunate than you. Share your joy with
those who need encouragement. Share your
laughter with those who haven't heard any in
such a long time. Share your tears with those
who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith
with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime
you could have so many diverse experiences.
You grow from a child to an adult, have children,
change jobs many times, learn many trades,
travel to so many places, meet thousands
of people, and experience so much. How can
you be so impatient then when it takes Me
a little longer than you expect to handle
something on My to-do-list? Trust in My
timing, for My timing is perfect. Just
because I created the entire universe in
only six days, everyone thinks I should
always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just
as much as I love you. They may not dress
like you, or talk like you, or live the same way
you do, but I still love you all. Please try
to get along, for My sake. I created each
of you different in some way. It would be
too boring if you were all identical.
Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not
love yourself? You were created by me for
one reason only -- to be loved, and to love
in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me.
Love your neighbors. But also love yourself.
It makes My heart ache when I see you
so angry with yourself when things go
wrong. You are very precious to me.
Don't ever forget......

Note: I received this from a friend and I have
no idea who wrote it, but I was so touched
by it, that I had to share it with you.
I hope that you will be blessed by
it and will share it with others.

Touch someone with your love.
Rather than focus upon the thorns of life,
smell the roses and count your blessings

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Forget everything...

1 more week before i turn 25. Damn! Time flies by so fast. Better happily enjoy this last precious week while i'm still 24.

I feel so tired. Work is busy. No time to for anything else. Plans for studies are already on my mind. Hope everything goes smoothly.

Now is a good time to forget everything. Forget all unhappy and painful memories. Forget him. Forget myself. Forget my past life.

Something funny happen today while i'm having lunch. A butterfly came flying towards me while i'm eating.

It's pretty weird to see a butterfly at that hour of time and some more at coffeeshop lor. Then keep flying to my face.

My HR manager chase it away but it made 1 big round back at me again. I don't remember offending any butterflies leh.

Although i love butterflies la but i so scared it will land on my head. I confirm will go mad la. Lucky that didn't happen la. All it did was fly around me.

My HR manager say it must be attracted by some kind of smell. I told him i got no BO lor so don't anyhow say. Lol..

He then call me Han Xiang. Duh! -_- Zzzzz... He watch too much Huan Zhu Ge Ge le. Haha! Super lame la.

Super tired and super sleepy. Want go sleep le. Nitez!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Many things have been happening lately till i feel total lost and not knowing what to do. I have already cleared my thoughts and now i know which direction to go.

I hope and believe that i'm making the right choice. May what i decide bring me the peace i want. I'm tired of thinking and feeling miserable.

Someone once told me that all good things will come to an end. There are no banquets that will never end. Tomorrow will just be another brand new day.

Believe that God has his plans for me. Just follow my heart and listen to him. He will lead me to happiness. I really wanna believe in that and i will.

I may have lost the battle now but i won't lose forever. I will stand up stronger and better than before because i know where my weaknesses are.

God will be with me no matter where i am. He will walk side by side with me when i'm strong and carry me when i'm weak. I have nothing to fear. AMEN!

Work has been busy. Been out on the field with my sales people understanding how they do their job and how i can assist and support them.

Tough job for them. Always out there rain or shine whereas i get to stay in office. Must do my best to make their effort out there worthwhile.

So many things to learn. My brain exploding with knowledge liao which is good. Can take my mind off things that will upset me.

Not much updates. Will share more after i learn more. Take care and God bless to people who love me and hate me.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Letting go is tough...

Daddy has already gone back and tomorrow is a beginning of my new job and life. I'm feeling nervous. Somehow sadness overwhelms that feeling.

Letting go is a tough and painful process especially your loved ones but in life, we do encounter such setbacks but we just have to learn to let it go.

There is no point in holding back to something which no longer belongs to you. It'll only make you and your life more miserable.

He wants to go, so i give him his freedom. It wasn't easy and it nvr will be. That doesn't mean i love him any lesser.

I will always love him. He will always be in my heart. I just want him to be happy. I just want to see him smile again.

If fate allows and we are meant to, we will be together. I don't wanna think so much anymore. Let him fly and find the happiness that he wants.

I'll give him my blessings when the time comes. I can only pray to God to give me the strength to carry on and peace to be in my heart.

Now i can only focus on myself to become a better person and my job. I have a goal. To get a promotion which i have nvr ever gotten before.

I'm already feeling more peace and less pain in my heart. Tears still do flow from my eyes from time to time.

I do not know the reason why i tear anymore. Maybe it's the pain i feel for him and maybe it's the peace i got for myself.

Maybe it's the pain flowing from my heart in the form of tears. I don't know how long it will last. It's as though i have no control over my tears anymore.

For best or for worse, God will bless me... This is for him...

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve a chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try now it's gonna hurt us both
it's no other way than to say goodbye

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Everything will be fine...

Life has not been exactly good for me. I still miss me him alot and the pain in my heart just won't go away.

I've been hurt pretty badly but i'm not complaining because i hurt him 1st and how much i regretted it.

I feel pretty miserable at times and tears just flow from my eyes. People who hate me will be happy to know that.

I'm thankful that a bunch of long lost friends actually called up on me and shower their care and concerns on me.

I also know that God will always be there for me no matter what happens. I pray to him faithfully everyday.

I trust that he will slowly take my pain away and heal my wounds. I will stand up and be strong again.

I've found a job as a Sales and Marketing Coordinator. Starting next tues and dad is coming back tomorrow until mon.

Everything will be fine i believe.

I will take this opportunity to understand myself and where i went wrong. I've learnt to see things in a more open heart.

It might not always be other people's fault. Sometimes we need to do some self reflection on ourselves.

I have been very self centered and always see things as other people's fault. Always finding mistakes with others.

I'm not perfect and i do commit mistakes as well. From now on, i shall always ask if it's my fault 1st before pushing the blame to others.

Even if the mistake was made by others, we should always have a forgiving heart towards other people because we never know when we need forgiveness from others too.

It is also miserable to bear grudges and hate another person. God always teaches us to Love our neighbour as ourselves.

Though love can be painful at times but i personally feel that it's much better than hating another person. You wouldn't want others to hate you too right?

Love = Hate

Love and hate is just a thin line across. Only when you love a person can you hate that person and if you hate a person, it means you have loved the person so no matter what, the person still holds a special meaning in your heart. So do you choose to love or hate?

I will choose to love everyone ard me no matter what are the things they have done to hurt me. Love can do wonders. I shall humble myself and have a forgiving heart because you never know if you've hurt the person before.

I also know that i've always been straight forward and hurt peoples feelings unknowingly or even do it knowing that i will hurt the person.

This has been very wrong of me and do not deserve forgiveness. I know that no matter how many times i say sorry, the wound will always be there.

I still wanna say sorry to the people i've hurt out there and hope that i can receive that forgiveness. If i can't, it's ok. I will still love you people.

I've been given a 2nd chance to find a job. I will do my best to appreciate this precious job i've gotten and give my best to whatever i have to do.

I will learn to carry myself well, speak properly to people and think before i speak so as not to hurt anyone again.

I wanna regain some peace and joy into my heart again. Throw away the old Sheila and start anew. To change the world, i gotta change myself 1st.

God Bless those people who have once been hurt by me or even hurt me before. There will always be love and forgiveness ard.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Footprints

One night a man had a dream,
He dreamed he was walking along
the beach with the Lord. Across
the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one
belonging to him, and the other
to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed
before him, he looked
back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the
path of his life there was only one
set of footprints. He also noticed that
it happened at the very lowest and
saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and
he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided
to follow you, you'd walk with me
all the way. But I have noticed that
during the most troublesome times
in my life, there is only one set of
footprints. I don't understand why
when I needed you most you
would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious child,
I love you and I would never leave
you. During your times of trial
and suffering, when you see
only one set of footprints,
it was then that
I carried you."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Im free!

Yesterday, i was finally allowed to go back and collect my belongings and paycheck from that stupid place.

Some of my things were missing and my pay kena cut like don't know what and delay my pay somemore but i don't care anymore.

I have no time to argue with small and petty people. Got better things to do than waste my breath on them.

Most importantly is i no longer have anything to do with them and that place anymore. Woohoo! So so so happy la!

Been sick since last thursday till now. Stupid fever, headache, body ache, flu, cough and sore throat. Torture me till now.

Why must i be so so so sick la? Sick until i go interview also scared i faint on the road. Very weak lor. Sianzzz...

Been to many interviews but no results. I will not lose heart because God will open a road for me. Any place beats being in that lousy place agreed?

Btw, whatever happened to all my haters? Disappear from the earth already ar? Kena badly wounded by my army izzit?

Bwahahaah! Serves you people right for cursing others. Bleah!

Regarding abt my problem with my husband, i'm tired of explaining. I'm gonna say it 1 more time and i hope it gets into your brains.

We already sign the papers ok? We are officially separated. That's it! Don't ask so many questions! It's between me and him.

I love him so i let him go. What's wrong with that? If it makes him happy so why not? Don't ask me how i cope with it. I'm fine!

I finally understand the meaning of love. Love can be selfish and also selfless. I just want him to be happy with or without me.

What's the point of holding on to something that doesn't belong to you? It's not gonna make you any happy at all.

I used to see people as being stupid for letting go so easily. I always believe in fighting for your own happiness.

I tried salvaging but some things are just too late. I finally realise that the most important in loving a person is to see the person happy.

As long as he is happy, i'm willing to do anything for him just to see him smile. I'll always wish him well no matter where i am or where i go.

Only when you can do that then you can truly say that you love that person or else all is just empty talk. He and i are still friends. Good friends!

All now that is left are just memories. Though happy but also painful memories. Whatever it is, i'm just glad i possess such memories with him.

Have i explained myself clearly? Actually getting separated may not such a bad thing also. We both need our own private time to cool down and think things through.

I can do alot of things that i never had the chance to do. Both of us has been missing out alot since we got married so young.

Now i just wanna live my own life. Change to be a better person and be happy because life is short. It's all abt me, myself and i now.

For people out there who mayb facing the same problem as me or even worse, mayb you guys want to try going to church and pray.

I'm not trying to be an evangelist here but it really helped me alot when i open my heart to the Lord so i'm just suggesting it. To do it or not is up to you.

Now i can't close down my blog le cause got advertisers want post ads on my blog la. So happy la can? It's like a dream come true. Keep your eyes peel for the ads though.

I will not delete my previous entries as they are precious lessons to be learnt. I will always go through it and remind myself how stupid i was and never to commit the same mistakes again.

From here we shall see how much i can grow and learn from all my mistakes. I'm not perfect. I will definitely still make mistakes as i grow but i will try to improve and minimise it.

Good friends cheer me on ya? Love you guys.

No matter how lonely or helpless you feel,
Always remember that God loves his children.
YOU are his child forever and ever. Amen!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

It's been a week since i signed the papers. I won't say i'm very happy but i'm not that sad either.

It's over! I got my freedom back though not exactly what i wanted but God has a plan for me i believe.

What's with all the remarks on the tagboard? Are you guys the dogs of hers too? I am appalled at the amount of dogs she keep.

She doesn't feed you guys so u guys are damn hungry now is it? Anyhow bark. Whatever i've written here is my problem.

Don't get my family involved or the same thing will happen to your families too. I think you guys are simply pathetic.

Why don't you guys go lick somebody's arse since you are so hungry. The person may decide to give you some shit to eat.

It's ok to build your happiness on my misery la. I'm fine with it. Gotten so used to it already. I'm just glad i made some idiots happy. =)

Thanks for building up on my blog traffic. Totally appreciate that. Sorry to say that i'm closing it down soon.

All the trouble started from here and it's time to end it. Thanks to all my supporters and haters! You guys make my day!

Friday, May 23, 2008

My BOSS is a F**king CB!

My dear friends, sorry for disappearing for so long. Im fine! Don't worry abt me.

Life has never been better for me. I have not enjoyed life in such a long time.

It's great to be single again. No worries abt anything. Just living my life to the fullest i can.

The only fucking problem i have is my job. I'm no longer working there anymore so pls don't go there find job liao. Look for other agencies.

I like very long never complain liao. What is my blog for man? I'm gonna COMPLAIN!!!

My cb boss is really a fucking cb bitch lor.

She always think she damn fucking smart like that. Nobody can be smarter than her. Think she so good in talking then cannot tahan people talk better than her.

Super knn la. 40 over years old liao still think like a fucking small kid.

She is the most cb, most lamest boss i've ever seen. I swear i will never work for a woman again.

Never! Not for the fucking rest of my whole life if i can help it.

Sorry ar! Abit vulgar this entry. I cannot control la. Too angry liao. Since want complain then must complain gao gao la. Don't want read can fuck off.

She damn weak la. Just because a staff that has work for 6 years has decided to resign then she cannot take it liao.

Always think her company is the best and people can't survive if they leave. After that start to bad mouth people liao.

She ever think why people want leave anot? Why is the turnover rate so high? Because of her fucking filthy mouth la.

She knows what she has done lor. She should touch her heart and ask herself la. Instead, she continue to blame people.

Whoever leave that company she will bad mouth, no sales also bad mouth. Smart people got eyes to see and ears to hear la.

God knows lor. Always asking people to chant. Not that her religion is bad but she as a person is just freaking lousy la. She must be deprived from sex. Her poor husband...

Only know how to make use of people. I already feel i'm being underpaid but i keep quiet nia. Thought she nice boss then i also enjoy what i'm doing.

But i came to realise what kind of person she is. I lose all the heart to fight for her anymore.

I'm not like her that stupid dog or should i say pig, following her licking her cb everywhere she go.

Totally no life man. Like her life belongs to the cb boss. No backbone la! Useless bitch! Quit putting up an act. Nobody loves you! Boo! Why don't you just drop dead?

When my colleague decide to leave, she want come and brainwash me. Pls la! Use your brain abit can since you think you damn smart.

Do i look like the kind that can be brainwashed easily? I'm a person who has a mind of my own. I'm not some freaking puppet that can be manipulated lor.

Don't ever underestimate people la. I may be young but i'm no fool man. You think you smart but there will be people out there smarter than you! Wake up your idea biatch!

Her biggest mistake was to bad mouth my colleague in front of me cause she wanna brainwash me. She never thought i would be in such good terms with my colleague.

C'mon man! When 2 ah lians get together. There will be no peace de. Hahaha! I am those super jiang yi qi 1 ok? Don't fucking bad mouth my friends. I will give you hell.

Knn. You can do this to her, 1 fine day you can do this to me! Really see me no up sia. I seem simple minded because i don't want use my brain only. Stupid bitch!

Super cb 1 lor. Call me early in the morning and ask me what i'm trying to play with her just because i email my colleague and she saw that email.

Play what sia? Merry go round ar? Don't want talk to her de lor. Then when i talk back she cannot take it. Talk until like she want cry liao.

Say i play with her feelings. Fuck sia! I'm not interested in old woman la. Say i got potential, want groom me and give me chance to learn.

Don't bullshit me la! If you really think i'm that good then why don't want confirm me? Why underpay me? Think i cheap labour izzit?

At night send me message ask me don't need go back work till further notice. Good la! I don't want go back also. You think i starve without you ar?

Accuse me of creating politics. What the fuck sia? I don't need say anything people also know what you do lor. That is why people quit!

Don't you get it you old woman? Too smart already or brain move too slow? Why don't you just retire and stay home play with your barbie dolls?

Say she disappointed with my personality. What's wrong with my personality? I got personality and character ok? And my interpersonal skill is much better than yours la.

If not why you think i attract so many bees and have so many friends? I don't bad mouth people de. I'm more disappointed in your personality lor.

Lousy personality with a lousy attitude towards your staff. Want pick quarrel with me but lose le act like want cry and say until you so damn good to me.

What you say behind my back only you know better la or do you need me to spell it out? I hate hypocrites man.

She confirm everyday go back say i no good 1. It's ok de la. Expected. I'm not upset at all cause i know what you say is rubbish! Only those without brains will believe what you say.

Now she this fucking cb don't allow me to go back collect my personal belongings lor. What the hell leh? Can like that 1 meh?

Ask her pig to pack my things into a paper bag then access my email. Access mail nevermind leh cause is company de. Can like that touch my things 1 meh?

Really pissed off la. I give her until next monday. If she still don't let me go back collect my things i'm gonna report police already.

I will also accuse her of stealing my things. Anyhow touch touch. All her fucking germs on top of it. Cannot use liao lor. Cannot use also must take back and throw away!

I will sue her until her panties drop!

Oh man... Say too much bad things le. God forgive me pls... I will pray that she become a better person de.

Song la! Feel so much better! This entry like abit long hor? Cause too long never complain liao! Hahahaha!!!

Till next time i login again. BYEEEEEEE!!!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

A lesson to learn

How to hold your temper
NAIL IN THE FENCE
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence. (Most importantly the last sentence)


There once was a little boy who had a bad
temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails

and told him that every time he lost his
temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily

gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to

drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't

lose his temper at all. He told his father

about it and the father suggested that the

boy now pull out one nail for each day that he

was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the

hand and led him to the fence. He said, 'You

have done well, my son, but look at the

holes in the fence. The fence will never be

the same. When you say things in anger,

they leave a scar just like this one. You can put
a knife in a man and draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say 'I'm

sorry', the wound is still there. A verbal

wound is as bad as a physical one.

Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.

They lend an ear, they share words of praise

and they always want to open their hearts to us.'

It's National Friendship Week. Show your

friends how much you care. Send this to

everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if

it means sending it back to the person who

sent it to you. YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED!

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Announcement!

Dear all,

I would hereby like to announce that i will most probably stop blogging.

Please ignore all the previous post in this blog about my parents-in-law. They are great people. I only said all the bad things in a moment of anger.

All those things are written by a spoilt brat and she no longer exist. The old Sheila is gone from this world. Eliminated from my life forever.

Here lies a heart-broken and humble girl who just want to change for the better. To be a better wife, daughter-in-law and as a human being as well.

It's never too late to start learning. The important thing is that i'm willing to learn and now i can only learn thru the hard way.

I can only depend on myself now. I need lots of support. I may continue to blog but it'll be as a brand new person so it'll be quite some time before i blog again.

If you're here to help, i welcome you. If you're not, i still welcome you but don't give any unnecessary comments.

Till we meet again dear friends. I'm going to go thru a transformation now.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Heart broken...

I'm sick and tired of people asking me what happen and if i'm ok anot.

It's kinda obvious abt what happen isn't it?

Want to know right? Ok! Fine! My husband wants divorce me ok? I'm not going into details because i don't wanna talk abt it anymore!

Go on... Laugh at me... Laugh at emo, pathetic Sheila.

So it's pretty obvious that i'm NOT ok! I'm upset. I can't stop crying when i'm all alone at night.

I nvr reply messages and answer calls is very obvious that i'm not in the mood to talk or discuss abt my current situation.

I'm not trying to be emo here so stop saying i'm being emo! If you're not here to console me then don't talk to me at all!

I'm heart broken! Not emo at all! My heart is breaking into small little pieces and i can't breath anymore...

I've lost whatever strength i have left in me. I'm like a bird being trapped in a cage not knowing what to do. To struggle is futile.

Nothing is settled until he comes back from Taiwan. I have no idea how i should fight for myself.

The clock is ticking... Time is passing by...

The time for my verdict is coming nearer and nearer. I swear i'm abt to stop breathing anytime.

Will i be given the death sentence? Or will i be given a 2nd chance?

If you guys truly love and care for me then please pray for me to be able to salvage my marriage. That's all i'm asking for.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Goodbye!

You said if i really love you i should let you go.

I just want you to be happy from the bottom of my heart.

So i shall grant your request and let you go.

I pray that you will be happy in every single day of your life.

There will be no more updates.

Sheila is gone from this world.

She is as good as dead. Goodbye dear friends!

Thank you for the support shown.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Unlucky!

So damn fucking unlucky this week.

Had a quarrel with deardear abt his mother and he got angry with me when i am suppose to be the 1 to get angry. I hate him!

On thursday, my mind was full of the quarrel that when i went to the ATM to withdraw money, i actually remember to take my card but forget to take the money.

$50 just gone like this. Whoever the lucky chap it is that took my money, may your hands rot and fingers start dropping like a leprosy patient!

Today, my parents had a quarrel again. My mum really force my father up the wall this time and made him made up his mind to divorce.

I had to talk my father round for her but what did i get? Nothing! More insults from her instead! Just because my father favour and dote on me the most!

Is that a sin?

Why can't she dote on me just like my father do? Why must she get jealous over her own daughter? Just what did i do wrong?

I cannot take it anymore! I tried to talk her round and she say she don't have a daughter like me and that i side my father for the sake of money.

Why is she acting like a small kid? She even slammed the door on my hand. I thought she changed. I sincerely believe that she changed but i'm wrong.

I'm very disappointed with her attitude and the words she said to me and my father. Many times, she has broken my heart over and over again.

I always remember the time she tried to jeopardize my wedding just because of a quarrel with my father. What am i? A sacrifice?

But i kept on forgiving her again and again just because for the fact that she is my mother and i love her. But she has disappointed and hurt me again and again.

What does she want from me? I am afterall a human! I have feelings too! I am made of flesh and not steel! Is she my mother at all? I really don't know anymore...

My heart is full of sadness and hatred! My parents-in-law made things difficult for me, my husband don't understand me and my mother hates me!

The only close person i have is my father and he is not feeling any better than i am... What can i do to make him feel better when i myself is drowning?

Sometimes, my in-laws treat me better than my own mum. Even if they made things difficult for me i still take it. I can don't care.

The feeling sucks when your own mother do things to hurt you. I really don't wanna cry for her anymore. My heart is bleeding badly.

Before the previous wound that she inflicted on me heal, she inflicted another 1 on me. The wound is getting so deep it will never heal anymore.

I wish that i may 1 day die in my sleep to end all my sufferings.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Nightmare!

On a dark & lonely night when everyone's asleep,

Creatures of the dark arise from their sleep... Mouth watering for food and blood...

Yes!

I'm talking about Zombies!

They are nothing like the normal humans moving slowly with blood in their mouths. Instead, they look more like deformed human wolf...

They are the fast moving type and they are out pounding the streets looking for their next victim...

Pounding along the streets, they found their victim. A lady all alone with a cigarette in her hand.

Licking their lips, they dash towards their victim. As they got nearer, i realise that i AM that lady they were going after!

My heart stopped for a moment... My next instinct told me to run for it. I turned the other direction and started running for my life.

I had a few near miss and almost ended up getting caught by them. I was beginning to run out of breath. They are nearing on me...

My legs couldn't carry me any further. They were too fast for me. They caught up with me and i stopped breathing.

Arghhhhhhhh!

I woke up and my face had already broke out with cold sweat. I was shivering though the hot sun was shining through y window.

Damn!

Why do i always seem to have nightmares when deardear is not by my side? What does the dream mean?

In the end, it seems that i did not sleep for the whole night and i'm so darn fucking tired. The zombies were on my mind even when i'm working in broad daylight.

No more gaming for me tonight.

I hope i don't get anymore nightmares. It's freaking me out!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Start of my lonely lonely nights...

Before i start on, i have a few really really late updates which happened like 2 weeks ago? Erm... I finally found time to blog abt it la can anot?

Remember i was saying how boring it is and that there's nothing to blog abt at all 2 sundays ago? My sister made something happen so i can blog abt it.

She got into an accident which made the family Toyota Vios look like this....










For some retards out there, of cause my sister didn't really do it intentionally so that i can blog la! And obviously it wasn't her fault! Please don't be so idiotic.

She damn poor thing lor. Was all alone when the thing happened. Luckily, there was a guy who was willing to be her witness.

My sister was already halfway into the carpark and people who are in their parking lots should let the car go 1st before coming out from their lot right?

Chee bye lorry driver saw the car coming still insist coming out from the lot. You think your fucking lorry very small izzit?

Guess what was the injury done to the lorry?

Only 1 of the fucking headlight smashed lor. Fucker still got the cheek to get out of the car and shout at my sister trying to scare her and make it machiam her fault like that.

Damn bastard sia! Next time, pick somebody your own size. Scaring little gals is just proving that you are being a fucking sissy!

On the same night, i had a quarrel with deardear abt his stupid parents again. I really fucking hate them!

I was so angry i turned around to walk away but i didn't see the drain behind me. I manage to escape dropping into the drain but not quickly enough to prevent myself from falling.

I fell on both knees and slide and i was wearing 3 quarters, so there was no protection at all.

Ouch!

Fucking pain! This is what happened to my knee after that...


The next time we quarrel again, i'll make sure that he is the 1 to fall on his knees and taste my pain.

Do you guys remember the family that died in the car crash with only the little baby girl that survived?

The deceased wake happened to be at the church i'm going so i went to pay my respects.

Such poor things. Even through the heavy makeup, i can still see the stitches on the little boy's forehead.

If he were given the chance to grow up, he would be a very handsome man. I couldn't help but cried at the wake.

On the following week, khai's grandfather passed away. We went to the funeral. It must be such a pain for him. I can still remember the day my grandfather passed away.

Life is so small and fragile. Just a snap and you are gone. Sometimes i think to myself at night. When will it be my turn?

Will i be afraid when the time comes? I admit that at times, i do kinda fear death but God will be there for me so i must be brave.

Deardear just left for Taiwan last night to a training programme for 3 weeks and i am oh so lonely.

Lucky my dad came back on the night he left so it's not so bad for me. But it's just 1 week before he goes back to Indonesia.

What will i do for the remaining 2 weeks? I'm afraid of the dark especially when i'm all alone.

I have to face his parents alone for 3 whole weeks. What a torture! Somebody just kill me please!

Recently i'm addicted and totally obsessed with a song called Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.

An extremely good 'unseen' friend of mine said i'm sadist. I didn't know what he meant initially.

I fell in love with the song when i 1st heard it during work on 95FM. The music just attracted my attention. It was so mystical and haunting.

I went all way out to search for the song and now i know why he said i'm sadist. Tell me if i'm really sadist after reading. Heres the lyrics...

Closed off from love

I didn’t need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melts into the ground

Found something true

And everyone’s looking round

Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don’t know the truth

My heart’s crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that the goal

Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness

I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I’m going crazy,

maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don’t know the truth

My heart’s crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I’ll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don’t know the truth

My heart’s crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding-

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

Anyway, i've set up a new guestbook! The old ones gone as the server is no longer serving. Hahaha! I don't know what i'm talking abt anymore.

All i know is better sign my bloody guestbook you freaks out there especially those that had posted in the old one before.

Please please please sign it. I'm begging you!!! Please la!

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