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Sunday, April 20, 2008

Unlucky!

So damn fucking unlucky this week.

Had a quarrel with deardear abt his mother and he got angry with me when i am suppose to be the 1 to get angry. I hate him!

On thursday, my mind was full of the quarrel that when i went to the ATM to withdraw money, i actually remember to take my card but forget to take the money.

$50 just gone like this. Whoever the lucky chap it is that took my money, may your hands rot and fingers start dropping like a leprosy patient!

Today, my parents had a quarrel again. My mum really force my father up the wall this time and made him made up his mind to divorce.

I had to talk my father round for her but what did i get? Nothing! More insults from her instead! Just because my father favour and dote on me the most!

Is that a sin?

Why can't she dote on me just like my father do? Why must she get jealous over her own daughter? Just what did i do wrong?

I cannot take it anymore! I tried to talk her round and she say she don't have a daughter like me and that i side my father for the sake of money.

Why is she acting like a small kid? She even slammed the door on my hand. I thought she changed. I sincerely believe that she changed but i'm wrong.

I'm very disappointed with her attitude and the words she said to me and my father. Many times, she has broken my heart over and over again.

I always remember the time she tried to jeopardize my wedding just because of a quarrel with my father. What am i? A sacrifice?

But i kept on forgiving her again and again just because for the fact that she is my mother and i love her. But she has disappointed and hurt me again and again.

What does she want from me? I am afterall a human! I have feelings too! I am made of flesh and not steel! Is she my mother at all? I really don't know anymore...

My heart is full of sadness and hatred! My parents-in-law made things difficult for me, my husband don't understand me and my mother hates me!

The only close person i have is my father and he is not feeling any better than i am... What can i do to make him feel better when i myself is drowning?

Sometimes, my in-laws treat me better than my own mum. Even if they made things difficult for me i still take it. I can don't care.

The feeling sucks when your own mother do things to hurt you. I really don't wanna cry for her anymore. My heart is bleeding badly.

Before the previous wound that she inflicted on me heal, she inflicted another 1 on me. The wound is getting so deep it will never heal anymore.

I wish that i may 1 day die in my sleep to end all my sufferings.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Nightmare!

On a dark & lonely night when everyone's asleep,

Creatures of the dark arise from their sleep... Mouth watering for food and blood...

Yes!

I'm talking about Zombies!

They are nothing like the normal humans moving slowly with blood in their mouths. Instead, they look more like deformed human wolf...

They are the fast moving type and they are out pounding the streets looking for their next victim...

Pounding along the streets, they found their victim. A lady all alone with a cigarette in her hand.

Licking their lips, they dash towards their victim. As they got nearer, i realise that i AM that lady they were going after!

My heart stopped for a moment... My next instinct told me to run for it. I turned the other direction and started running for my life.

I had a few near miss and almost ended up getting caught by them. I was beginning to run out of breath. They are nearing on me...

My legs couldn't carry me any further. They were too fast for me. They caught up with me and i stopped breathing.

Arghhhhhhhh!

I woke up and my face had already broke out with cold sweat. I was shivering though the hot sun was shining through y window.

Damn!

Why do i always seem to have nightmares when deardear is not by my side? What does the dream mean?

In the end, it seems that i did not sleep for the whole night and i'm so darn fucking tired. The zombies were on my mind even when i'm working in broad daylight.

No more gaming for me tonight.

I hope i don't get anymore nightmares. It's freaking me out!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Start of my lonely lonely nights...

Before i start on, i have a few really really late updates which happened like 2 weeks ago? Erm... I finally found time to blog abt it la can anot?

Remember i was saying how boring it is and that there's nothing to blog abt at all 2 sundays ago? My sister made something happen so i can blog abt it.

She got into an accident which made the family Toyota Vios look like this....










For some retards out there, of cause my sister didn't really do it intentionally so that i can blog la! And obviously it wasn't her fault! Please don't be so idiotic.

She damn poor thing lor. Was all alone when the thing happened. Luckily, there was a guy who was willing to be her witness.

My sister was already halfway into the carpark and people who are in their parking lots should let the car go 1st before coming out from their lot right?

Chee bye lorry driver saw the car coming still insist coming out from the lot. You think your fucking lorry very small izzit?

Guess what was the injury done to the lorry?

Only 1 of the fucking headlight smashed lor. Fucker still got the cheek to get out of the car and shout at my sister trying to scare her and make it machiam her fault like that.

Damn bastard sia! Next time, pick somebody your own size. Scaring little gals is just proving that you are being a fucking sissy!

On the same night, i had a quarrel with deardear abt his stupid parents again. I really fucking hate them!

I was so angry i turned around to walk away but i didn't see the drain behind me. I manage to escape dropping into the drain but not quickly enough to prevent myself from falling.

I fell on both knees and slide and i was wearing 3 quarters, so there was no protection at all.

Ouch!

Fucking pain! This is what happened to my knee after that...


The next time we quarrel again, i'll make sure that he is the 1 to fall on his knees and taste my pain.

Do you guys remember the family that died in the car crash with only the little baby girl that survived?

The deceased wake happened to be at the church i'm going so i went to pay my respects.

Such poor things. Even through the heavy makeup, i can still see the stitches on the little boy's forehead.

If he were given the chance to grow up, he would be a very handsome man. I couldn't help but cried at the wake.

On the following week, khai's grandfather passed away. We went to the funeral. It must be such a pain for him. I can still remember the day my grandfather passed away.

Life is so small and fragile. Just a snap and you are gone. Sometimes i think to myself at night. When will it be my turn?

Will i be afraid when the time comes? I admit that at times, i do kinda fear death but God will be there for me so i must be brave.

Deardear just left for Taiwan last night to a training programme for 3 weeks and i am oh so lonely.

Lucky my dad came back on the night he left so it's not so bad for me. But it's just 1 week before he goes back to Indonesia.

What will i do for the remaining 2 weeks? I'm afraid of the dark especially when i'm all alone.

I have to face his parents alone for 3 whole weeks. What a torture! Somebody just kill me please!

Recently i'm addicted and totally obsessed with a song called Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.

An extremely good 'unseen' friend of mine said i'm sadist. I didn't know what he meant initially.

I fell in love with the song when i 1st heard it during work on 95FM. The music just attracted my attention. It was so mystical and haunting.

I went all way out to search for the song and now i know why he said i'm sadist. Tell me if i'm really sadist after reading. Heres the lyrics...

Closed off from love

I didn’t need the pain

Once or twice was enough

And it was all in vain

Time starts to pass

Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened

For the very first time with you

My heart melts into the ground

Found something true

And everyone’s looking round

Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don’t know the truth

My heart’s crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear

But they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears

Try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know that the goal

Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater

Than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness

I see your face

Yet everyone around me

Thinks that I’m going crazy,

maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don’t know the truth

My heart’s crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I’ll be wearing these scars

For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don’t know the truth

My heart’s crippled by the vein

That I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding-

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding

I keep, keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep, keep bleeding love

Anyway, i've set up a new guestbook! The old ones gone as the server is no longer serving. Hahaha! I don't know what i'm talking abt anymore.

All i know is better sign my bloody guestbook you freaks out there especially those that had posted in the old one before.

Please please please sign it. I'm begging you!!! Please la!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Happy Birthday!

Happy 50th Birthday To My Most Hated & Also Most Beloved Mother!


OMG! Can't imagine... How does it feel like to live half of a century? I'm already nearing a quarter liao. Very soon will be my turn le... Sianzzz... Anyway, long live to mummy! You all better wish her happy birthday or DIEEEEE!!!

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