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Monday, June 30, 2008

Letting go is tough...

Daddy has already gone back and tomorrow is a beginning of my new job and life. I'm feeling nervous. Somehow sadness overwhelms that feeling.

Letting go is a tough and painful process especially your loved ones but in life, we do encounter such setbacks but we just have to learn to let it go.

There is no point in holding back to something which no longer belongs to you. It'll only make you and your life more miserable.

He wants to go, so i give him his freedom. It wasn't easy and it nvr will be. That doesn't mean i love him any lesser.

I will always love him. He will always be in my heart. I just want him to be happy. I just want to see him smile again.

If fate allows and we are meant to, we will be together. I don't wanna think so much anymore. Let him fly and find the happiness that he wants.

I'll give him my blessings when the time comes. I can only pray to God to give me the strength to carry on and peace to be in my heart.

Now i can only focus on myself to become a better person and my job. I have a goal. To get a promotion which i have nvr ever gotten before.

I'm already feeling more peace and less pain in my heart. Tears still do flow from my eyes from time to time.

I do not know the reason why i tear anymore. Maybe it's the pain i feel for him and maybe it's the peace i got for myself.

Maybe it's the pain flowing from my heart in the form of tears. I don't know how long it will last. It's as though i have no control over my tears anymore.

For best or for worse, God will bless me... This is for him...

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve a chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try now it's gonna hurt us both
it's no other way than to say goodbye

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Everything will be fine...

Life has not been exactly good for me. I still miss me him alot and the pain in my heart just won't go away.

I've been hurt pretty badly but i'm not complaining because i hurt him 1st and how much i regretted it.

I feel pretty miserable at times and tears just flow from my eyes. People who hate me will be happy to know that.

I'm thankful that a bunch of long lost friends actually called up on me and shower their care and concerns on me.

I also know that God will always be there for me no matter what happens. I pray to him faithfully everyday.

I trust that he will slowly take my pain away and heal my wounds. I will stand up and be strong again.

I've found a job as a Sales and Marketing Coordinator. Starting next tues and dad is coming back tomorrow until mon.

Everything will be fine i believe.

I will take this opportunity to understand myself and where i went wrong. I've learnt to see things in a more open heart.

It might not always be other people's fault. Sometimes we need to do some self reflection on ourselves.

I have been very self centered and always see things as other people's fault. Always finding mistakes with others.

I'm not perfect and i do commit mistakes as well. From now on, i shall always ask if it's my fault 1st before pushing the blame to others.

Even if the mistake was made by others, we should always have a forgiving heart towards other people because we never know when we need forgiveness from others too.

It is also miserable to bear grudges and hate another person. God always teaches us to Love our neighbour as ourselves.

Though love can be painful at times but i personally feel that it's much better than hating another person. You wouldn't want others to hate you too right?

Love = Hate

Love and hate is just a thin line across. Only when you love a person can you hate that person and if you hate a person, it means you have loved the person so no matter what, the person still holds a special meaning in your heart. So do you choose to love or hate?

I will choose to love everyone ard me no matter what are the things they have done to hurt me. Love can do wonders. I shall humble myself and have a forgiving heart because you never know if you've hurt the person before.

I also know that i've always been straight forward and hurt peoples feelings unknowingly or even do it knowing that i will hurt the person.

This has been very wrong of me and do not deserve forgiveness. I know that no matter how many times i say sorry, the wound will always be there.

I still wanna say sorry to the people i've hurt out there and hope that i can receive that forgiveness. If i can't, it's ok. I will still love you people.

I've been given a 2nd chance to find a job. I will do my best to appreciate this precious job i've gotten and give my best to whatever i have to do.

I will learn to carry myself well, speak properly to people and think before i speak so as not to hurt anyone again.

I wanna regain some peace and joy into my heart again. Throw away the old Sheila and start anew. To change the world, i gotta change myself 1st.

God Bless those people who have once been hurt by me or even hurt me before. There will always be love and forgiveness ard.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Footprints

One night a man had a dream,
He dreamed he was walking along
the beach with the Lord. Across
the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one
belonging to him, and the other
to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed
before him, he looked
back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the
path of his life there was only one
set of footprints. He also noticed that
it happened at the very lowest and
saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and
he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided
to follow you, you'd walk with me
all the way. But I have noticed that
during the most troublesome times
in my life, there is only one set of
footprints. I don't understand why
when I needed you most you
would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My precious child,
I love you and I would never leave
you. During your times of trial
and suffering, when you see
only one set of footprints,
it was then that
I carried you."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Im free!

Yesterday, i was finally allowed to go back and collect my belongings and paycheck from that stupid place.

Some of my things were missing and my pay kena cut like don't know what and delay my pay somemore but i don't care anymore.

I have no time to argue with small and petty people. Got better things to do than waste my breath on them.

Most importantly is i no longer have anything to do with them and that place anymore. Woohoo! So so so happy la!

Been sick since last thursday till now. Stupid fever, headache, body ache, flu, cough and sore throat. Torture me till now.

Why must i be so so so sick la? Sick until i go interview also scared i faint on the road. Very weak lor. Sianzzz...

Been to many interviews but no results. I will not lose heart because God will open a road for me. Any place beats being in that lousy place agreed?

Btw, whatever happened to all my haters? Disappear from the earth already ar? Kena badly wounded by my army izzit?

Bwahahaah! Serves you people right for cursing others. Bleah!

Regarding abt my problem with my husband, i'm tired of explaining. I'm gonna say it 1 more time and i hope it gets into your brains.

We already sign the papers ok? We are officially separated. That's it! Don't ask so many questions! It's between me and him.

I love him so i let him go. What's wrong with that? If it makes him happy so why not? Don't ask me how i cope with it. I'm fine!

I finally understand the meaning of love. Love can be selfish and also selfless. I just want him to be happy with or without me.

What's the point of holding on to something that doesn't belong to you? It's not gonna make you any happy at all.

I used to see people as being stupid for letting go so easily. I always believe in fighting for your own happiness.

I tried salvaging but some things are just too late. I finally realise that the most important in loving a person is to see the person happy.

As long as he is happy, i'm willing to do anything for him just to see him smile. I'll always wish him well no matter where i am or where i go.

Only when you can do that then you can truly say that you love that person or else all is just empty talk. He and i are still friends. Good friends!

All now that is left are just memories. Though happy but also painful memories. Whatever it is, i'm just glad i possess such memories with him.

Have i explained myself clearly? Actually getting separated may not such a bad thing also. We both need our own private time to cool down and think things through.

I can do alot of things that i never had the chance to do. Both of us has been missing out alot since we got married so young.

Now i just wanna live my own life. Change to be a better person and be happy because life is short. It's all abt me, myself and i now.

For people out there who mayb facing the same problem as me or even worse, mayb you guys want to try going to church and pray.

I'm not trying to be an evangelist here but it really helped me alot when i open my heart to the Lord so i'm just suggesting it. To do it or not is up to you.

Now i can't close down my blog le cause got advertisers want post ads on my blog la. So happy la can? It's like a dream come true. Keep your eyes peel for the ads though.

I will not delete my previous entries as they are precious lessons to be learnt. I will always go through it and remind myself how stupid i was and never to commit the same mistakes again.

From here we shall see how much i can grow and learn from all my mistakes. I'm not perfect. I will definitely still make mistakes as i grow but i will try to improve and minimise it.

Good friends cheer me on ya? Love you guys.

No matter how lonely or helpless you feel,
Always remember that God loves his children.
YOU are his child forever and ever. Amen!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

It's been a week since i signed the papers. I won't say i'm very happy but i'm not that sad either.

It's over! I got my freedom back though not exactly what i wanted but God has a plan for me i believe.

What's with all the remarks on the tagboard? Are you guys the dogs of hers too? I am appalled at the amount of dogs she keep.

She doesn't feed you guys so u guys are damn hungry now is it? Anyhow bark. Whatever i've written here is my problem.

Don't get my family involved or the same thing will happen to your families too. I think you guys are simply pathetic.

Why don't you guys go lick somebody's arse since you are so hungry. The person may decide to give you some shit to eat.

It's ok to build your happiness on my misery la. I'm fine with it. Gotten so used to it already. I'm just glad i made some idiots happy. =)

Thanks for building up on my blog traffic. Totally appreciate that. Sorry to say that i'm closing it down soon.

All the trouble started from here and it's time to end it. Thanks to all my supporters and haters! You guys make my day!
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