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Monday, August 11, 2008

Who am i?

Been really busy working. So many things to do but i never seem to have enough time to do it all. No mind for blogging. I don't know what to write also.

I'm like a wandering spirit floating around with no certain place to call my own. Still learning to be a better person.

I'm slowly forgetting how he looks like. The more i try to remember, the more faded and blur is the image in my mind.

But i know that he still lives in my heart because i still do miss him and there will be the occasional heart pains.

Although i'm busy but my heart is lonely. He is always on my mind. I'm always wondering what he is doing. Did he take his lunch? Is he happy?

I miss talking to him on the phone. I even miss the times we quarrel over small little things. Whatever happened to us now?

I've been pondering on what actually happened. Everything happen so fast, i'm still having difficulty believing that all this has happened.

Why did he give up on me when we were so in love? Then i think of the Sheila he fell in love with. Where has she gone to? Can i ever get her back?

Why did things change? Did i change after i got married? Where is the husband i fell in love with? I don't know for sure if he has changed. We haven't talk for a long time.

People who knows me well enough will know what happened to my father-in-law. It's nearly a year since his operation.

He was suppose to recover within half a year but till now he is still in pain. I pray for him every night and it hurts me to see him suffering like this.

But he is taking things pretty easily. I told him to enjoy life now and don't care abt anything. Just be happy everyday.

Although things between me and my husband are like this but i still treat them like my own parents and i love them. I know they care alot abt me too.

I was really stupid and childish to quarrel with deardear abt them. What was i thinking saying bad things abt them? I felt like a fool when i think back.

Right now i just wanna spend whatever time i have left with them happily. Live together in harmony. I might not have the chance anymore when the time comes for me to leave.

My mum is also having health problems. The vein in her eye burst and now her vision is blurred. Doctor says it's because of high blood pressure.

How do i put it across to her that she must take things easy and not think so much? If the main artillery of her eyes burst too, she'll go blind.

Sometimes i'm also afraid that i might cry myself blind 1 day. I try to be happy everyday and not think of anything that will upset me.

But tears still flow even when i'm asleep. It won't be easy for me to get thru this heart pain though the pain are not so intense nowadays.

I still love him and i just can't seem to stop loving him. I loved him deeply with all my heart and soul. I can't take it back anymore.

I have decided not to run anymore. I will face up to my own feelings. I know how much i love him and how important he is to me in my life.

I will continue to love him till the day i'm gone from this world. I will always be by his side watching over him so when he needs me, i'll be there for him.

That's love... To give and not to take. I've been taking alot so now it's time for me to give. I promised him that i will never leave him and i will keep to that promise.

For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part...

1 comment:

Melvin said...

"dun laugh" said the patient, ed. "Of coz i wont laugh" the doctor replied,"I'm a professional and besides in my 20 yrs i've never laughed at a patient before." "ok then" ed said and dropped his pants revealing the tiniest wooha the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger then a triple A battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor fell to the floor laughing madly. 10 Minutes later, the doctor was able to struggle to his feet and regained his composure "I'm sorry, I really am. I don't know what came over me and on my honour as a doctor as well as a gentleman I promise it wont happen again.""ok now ed, what seems to be the problem?" The doctor asked. "My wooha is swollen" ed replied.

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