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Monday, September 29, 2008

Genting Trip Part 1

Dear friends, i'm back! Do you guys miss me? I pretty much had fun playing the indoor and outdoor themepark and not to forget gambling at the casino.

Photos coming up on the next entry, that is if i have the time to upload. I promise i'll try if i'm not feeling too lazy.

Everything had been pretty much fine till the last day. I had a big quarrel with my mum and she just had to dig up my wound that i try so hard to conceal.

I cried all the way from genting back to singapore. Even when i reach home, i couldn't stop tearing. I couldn't sleep the whole night.

I try hard not to blame her but i gotta admit that till now, i am still unable to understand and accept why she would curse my marriage to fail.

And he who promises to prove her wrong did not keep to his promise. Is she any happier now that her curse came true?

All my nightmares are back again. When will i get over it again? Why does life have to be so difficult? I just wanna be happy.

I'm very tired of crying. It hurts my eyes badly. Everytime i tear, my eyes sting and my vision blurred out. It's very painful.

I will get over it again. I just need time. I need peace. I need to be alone on my own.

My father has been complaining about me being too skinny. Even my father-in-law has been saying the same thing.

I admit i have lost near to 10kgs eversince the thing started but looking on the bright side, my waist is now a perfect 24cm, i lost that flabby tummy i've been trying so hard to get rid of and now i can wear clothes that i can't wear in the past.

I'm not aneroxic though i nearly became 1 vomitting whatever i juz swallowed. I do eat. Just that it's not easy for me to gain weight anymore and i would love to keep my figure like this.

It was not a healthy way to lose weight but at that point of time, i was really too upset to eat and my body was not absorbing anything i eat due to being too depressed.

Someone once asked me that if i was to be given a 2nd chance to choose. Would i still choose Nicholas as my husband.

The answer would be yes.

The love we shared though painful was very sweet too. My love for him is true and i loved him from the bottom of my heart.

Memories of him and the time we spend together are still on my mind. I have never forgotten them. I just choose not to think, not to remember.

It seems just like yesterday when we got married and now, we are on our separate ways.

Then someone asked me again, even if i have to go through all this heart pains and suffering again?

The answer would still be yes.

If everyone knew what to do, none of this would have happened. I would probably be happily married and probably be the happiest gal around.

I don't regret the decisions i make. I know i have loved him deeply and i thank God for giving me the chance to once love a person with all my heart and to be loved by him too.

Life has many ups and downs and everyone makes mistakes. It's just a matter of how we face it and how willing we are to accept it.

I remember he once told me that he don't have a big heart like my dad that he can keep accepting nonsense and forgive.

All i know is that nobody said that a marriage was easy to maintain. I know it may sound silly but who would give up on something they love so much?

Though he may not love me anymore but i do know that my love for him will carry on and eventually be buried deep somewhere in my heart.

Seeing him happy now is all that matters.

Enough of sad tales. Tomorrow got barbeque at Khai father's condo. Yummy! It's been a long time since i barbequed. Gonna eat lots and lots of oily food.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Angry? Happy? Sad?

So angry! I am so so so angry today. Don't wanna talk about it anymore. I hate people who always expects help from others but don't wanna help others.

Selfish la! Arghhhhh!!! I'm so angry plus i got drenched in the morning while going to work. But i'm not a person who hold grudges. I'll forget about it soon. Keke...

Woohoo! I'm also very happy. Counting down the days. 1 more day and off i go to have fun and leave this busy and sad world behind for 4 days.

Hope by the time i come back, i'll only be busy and not sad anymore. Actually, i stop feeling sad quite some time ago le.

But i'm afterall human ma. Once in awhile still will feel some emotions de. I'm not cold-blooded nor am i heartless ok?

Can't wait. Time pass by faster please. Therefore, dear friends if you are looking for me, i'll be back on sun night. Don't miss me too much. Lol...

May all the people i care about have an enjoyable weekend. Love ya guys! Muacks! Tata...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Feeling lousy...

Today a sudden surge of emotions overwhelmed me. Cried non-stop the moment i reached home.

Suddenly, i became vulnerable to every word said to me and action done to me. The sense of loneliness is killing me.

Does everybody have days like this too? I don't know. All i know is i feel damn lousy all of a sudden.

I will get over it i think. Maybe... I need a break.

Leave me alone...

Friday, September 19, 2008

THE DONKEY

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all
grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first,
the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.Then,
to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that
hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,
everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of
the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest
wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a
step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive..

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tired...

No time to update. Very sorry to all my dear friends. Been really busy with work. Every night come home i already brain dead.

Work is fine. Life is pretty fine too i think. Work is slightly stressful and busy. Too many responsibilities.

It's good cause it keeps me busy and it just proves that i am capable of working compared to what some others that think likewise of me.

My manager dotes on me alot and i have a bunch of really nice and caring sales team. We are like 1 big family. No doubts there will be politics but everything is pretty much under control.

I just hope i can do my job well and don't get into any trouble. My manager expects alot from me and i don't wanna disappoint him.

My team are all depending on me to process their documents for them so no space for any mistakes to be made.

I've been feeling pretty sick recently. Sick of seeing and hearing things that i'm trying to avoid. Nah! I'm really feeling sick.

Some say i overwork but i think not. Maybe i'm just trying to cope with anger management and stress. Weather hasn't been really good either and i've always been weak.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'm a grown up gal and i can take care of myself. I know where my limit is.

Time is running out for me and there are still so many things i have yet to do. I just hope i have enough time.

I'm counting down the days till i start my studies. Something else to occupy my mind that is overflowing with knowledge.

Not to worry! My brain takes in things like a sponge. I am confident i can do well that is if my body can take it.

Shouldn't be a problem ba. I have too much energy and no where to use it. I'll try not to let my body system break down though. =p

Will post up some photos of my colleagues the next time i blog. Very lazy now. Eyes are half closing. Total brain deadness.

Chaos.. Adieus.. Sayonara.. Till the next time i blog again..

Monday, September 8, 2008

I'm touched...

I used to feel that when the elderly cares for you, it can be really irritating and annoying because all they do is nag and nag and nag. I really hate it but...

Only when you are down, they can feel it and they will be there for you though ultimately, we have to stand on our own feet because they won't always be there for me.

Now i truly know how it feels to have someone care for me when i thought i have lost everything. I begin to give up on myself.

But, they have never given up hope on me. They are always there silently watching over me. They don't say but they actually care. I feel really lucky to have them.

They watch me grow from a small little girl who has bad temper, unreasonable behaviour and a total spoilt brat to a more sensible human being.

They can sense when i'm upset and lost. They give encouraging words. They teach me the way of life. To think i used to find them a pain. Not anymore.

They are the treasure i never knew i had and i'm very touched by their actions. I will treasure them till the day we have to say goodbye though i wish i can always be with them.

They taught all they could and i've learnt how to care for others and think before i say anything. I really wanna love them, care for them and i truly appreciate them.

I finally know the meaning of jia you yi lao, ru you yi bao. It's very true. Please care for the elderly at your home before you lose them and it would be too late to say I'm Sorry.

I made a mistake once and i'm not gonna repeat it again. I will treasure whatever i have now until the day comes when we can no longer be together.

May God always bless them...

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Let the rain wash everything unhappy away

Today i walked home in the rain. Heaven must have known that i was feeling upset and therefore sent this rain to wash away my pain.

I just realise that some of the memories that i treasure alot has been erased. It no longer exist in my life.

Yes... Fate has just played another joke on me. It hurts alot but it's not going to hurt long though it has once again open up a wound and left a scar in me.

Life has dealt me with many blows but i will learn to stand up again. I will pick myself up again.

I've been through the darkest moments in my life and i don't think anything can be worse than that. Though i have not walked out of it entirely yet but i think i can do it.

From that moment onwards, nothing and no one can bring me down again. As the rain lash onto my face and the cold wind blowing against my wet body, i did not feel cold at all.

The only thing that has gone cold is my heart. I teared for a moment and i told myself to be strong.

Some things are just not worth the effort anymore. I should just let it go. Let the rain wash away my pains and unhappy memories.
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