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Monday, September 29, 2008

Genting Trip Part 1

Dear friends, i'm back! Do you guys miss me? I pretty much had fun playing the indoor and outdoor themepark and not to forget gambling at the casino.

Photos coming up on the next entry, that is if i have the time to upload. I promise i'll try if i'm not feeling too lazy.

Everything had been pretty much fine till the last day. I had a big quarrel with my mum and she just had to dig up my wound that i try so hard to conceal.

I cried all the way from genting back to singapore. Even when i reach home, i couldn't stop tearing. I couldn't sleep the whole night.

I try hard not to blame her but i gotta admit that till now, i am still unable to understand and accept why she would curse my marriage to fail.

And he who promises to prove her wrong did not keep to his promise. Is she any happier now that her curse came true?

All my nightmares are back again. When will i get over it again? Why does life have to be so difficult? I just wanna be happy.

I'm very tired of crying. It hurts my eyes badly. Everytime i tear, my eyes sting and my vision blurred out. It's very painful.

I will get over it again. I just need time. I need peace. I need to be alone on my own.

My father has been complaining about me being too skinny. Even my father-in-law has been saying the same thing.

I admit i have lost near to 10kgs eversince the thing started but looking on the bright side, my waist is now a perfect 24cm, i lost that flabby tummy i've been trying so hard to get rid of and now i can wear clothes that i can't wear in the past.

I'm not aneroxic though i nearly became 1 vomitting whatever i juz swallowed. I do eat. Just that it's not easy for me to gain weight anymore and i would love to keep my figure like this.

It was not a healthy way to lose weight but at that point of time, i was really too upset to eat and my body was not absorbing anything i eat due to being too depressed.

Someone once asked me that if i was to be given a 2nd chance to choose. Would i still choose Nicholas as my husband.

The answer would be yes.

The love we shared though painful was very sweet too. My love for him is true and i loved him from the bottom of my heart.

Memories of him and the time we spend together are still on my mind. I have never forgotten them. I just choose not to think, not to remember.

It seems just like yesterday when we got married and now, we are on our separate ways.

Then someone asked me again, even if i have to go through all this heart pains and suffering again?

The answer would still be yes.

If everyone knew what to do, none of this would have happened. I would probably be happily married and probably be the happiest gal around.

I don't regret the decisions i make. I know i have loved him deeply and i thank God for giving me the chance to once love a person with all my heart and to be loved by him too.

Life has many ups and downs and everyone makes mistakes. It's just a matter of how we face it and how willing we are to accept it.

I remember he once told me that he don't have a big heart like my dad that he can keep accepting nonsense and forgive.

All i know is that nobody said that a marriage was easy to maintain. I know it may sound silly but who would give up on something they love so much?

Though he may not love me anymore but i do know that my love for him will carry on and eventually be buried deep somewhere in my heart.

Seeing him happy now is all that matters.

Enough of sad tales. Tomorrow got barbeque at Khai father's condo. Yummy! It's been a long time since i barbequed. Gonna eat lots and lots of oily food.

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