Thursday, February 28, 2008

Don't feel like blogging at all. Mainly cause there's nothing much to blog abt. Been feeling very lethargic.

I feel so freaking tired. Mentally drained out. Nothing interesting has been happening & i simply just feel lazy.

I promise to update real soon & often. Just give me some time on my own. I need to rest & sort out my thinking abt what has been happening recently in my life.

I'm feeling too stressed up. Sorry guys. Not much people has been reading my blog anyway so i guess it's ok. Take care!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Unhappy Valentine's Day

Some people must be wondering why i did not blog abt my Valentine's Day. That is because i had a very bad Valentine's Day.

I thought i could forget as time goes by but i can't. It's haunting me every night. I must say it out before i go crazy. Hasn't stop crying since that night.

I thought it was going to be a wonderful day especially when i received a bouquet of bears from deardear. All my colleagues were shocked.

None of them expected that i would still receive gifts after i'm married. Was really happy for the whole day until night comes.

I went home not knowing what is going to happen next except deardear who knew but did not bother to tell me.

Apparently, my father-in-law was drunk & not happy that i'm seldom at home when my father is back. But i thought they understand.

He came out of his room & started shouting at me. I knew he was drunk so i did not really bother until his words became more & more mean.

The worst thing he said is that i'm not worth a single cent. I felt like punching him in the stomach & let his wound rip.

How can he say such a thing? How would my parents feel if they heard it? I'm not born by him. He is not showing the respect he should show for my parents.

He doesn't learn his lesson & continue drinking. Drink until drunk then come find trouble with me. I shall see how much longer he can drink.

Drunk can say this kind of thing meh? Does that mean i can get drunk & come home anyhow scold them? How would he like it?

This is not the 1st time he did this to me. The 1st time he got drunk, he chase me out of the house just because i had a quarrel with deardear.

If his words are knives, he would have become a murderer. I felt hurt & was hurt badly. Now i know why even his own daughter hates him.

To make things worse, deardear not only did not help me but scold me as well. I couldn't believe my ears. What a great valentine's day surprise!

He slammed the door & his father came out of his room again. I will never ever forget the look on his face. He even told deardear not to get irritated by me & that he doesn't want to see my face.

Now i know where i stand. I was never part of the family at all. I felt so hopeless without my parents & siblings by my side.

I'm all alone in this family getting stepped ard by them with nobody to help me. His father even threaten to leave the house when he know his son wouldn't let them do that.

He is such an old cunning, hypocrite faggort. Who wants to continue living with him? I very much wanted to move out but where can i go?

I don't wanna go back home with no place to sleep & make papa worry. I felt really disappointed. I felt like jumping down the flat & just die.

I still love deardear very much but i just cannot accept that he treated me like this on Valentine's Day!

I can never forgive his father. I hate him! I don't ever want to see his fucking stupid face. I cannot imagine life living with them anymore.

I was contemplating on whether to move out alone or simply just leave their family for good. What do you think would happen if he did that to me when i'm pregnant?

I can no longer take this down anymore. What he said & did is an insult to me & my parents. He don't deserve our care & concern at all. He doesn't even deserve pitiness.

Deardear had to spend alot of time or i should say days to make me calm down but even till now i'm unable to totally forget & calm down. I just cannot forgive so easily this time.

I told deardear that i don't care anymore. If his father ever do this to me again, i would not give face & i would be out of the house before they can say sorry.

Please pray for me that i would be happy everyday.

Monday, February 11, 2008

CNY!!!

Miss me ma? Hahaha... Happy Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!

Paiseh arr... So long no blog but i think alot people also never visit la cause everyone is so fucking busy with gambling. Kakaka...

Actually, this year i don't need give ang pow de but since i prepare le then just give lor. Abit fun la. See people take oranges come to me bai nian. Feel abit like Cai Shen Ye.

Heh heh heh...

But i lose alot more money than gambling. Luck is down la. Kao eh. The worst thing is all the stupid aunties & uncles keep asking when i want have baby.

They think having baby so easy like bearing fruits ar? What if the fruit is rotten de? Is i die leh.

Even if the fruit is healthy, how can we be sure it won't kena some kind of bacteria when it grows up then become rotten again?

Deardear simply feels that i will be the 1 passing all the bacterias to my kids. Don't need wait until grow up.

He can be such a fucking asshole sometimes don't you guys agree?

What?

So what if i teach all the bad things to my kids? At least i don't get all the responsibility for something i did not do.

I rather i'm the 1 that do it than let others do it. My kids will not get bullied then. I have my way of doing things.

What's wrong with doing that? I'm also like this but i'm still popular. Being straight forward is not really such a bad thing.

I don't hide my feelings. I speak my mind. I'm natural. That's how my kids should. Not be some hypocrite and go ard backstabbing people.

So what if they have got no friends? Those who judge them are not true friends. Only true friends will understand and stay with you.

Those they call friends are the chosen one and will be treated with care.

If scared then don't give birth at all agreed? Like i care. I do whatever i like.
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