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Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Farts

Hmmmm.. Have no idea what to blog about so I shall blog about how bloated I have been for the past few days. No idea what I ate to create so much gas. I have a rough suspicion that it's the golden mushroom and white button mushroom cooked by me in butter and garlic that caused it. It is edible and extremely delicious okay?

If you must know, I have been farting non stop for the past few days. More than I ever did in a year. I swear I'm not joking about it. I feel like an odourless toxic gas producing machine. Only once did the fart stink like mad and I proudly announce that I gave the full blast of it right in SMBF's face. Payback time!

Muahahahahaha!

If you think I'm mean then please think again. This 1 small fart I gave him is not even enough to pay him off 1% of what he gave to me. So far, this is like the 2nd time I let him smell stinky farts throughout our relationship. He does it to me so often that I wanna just shove something up his ass to make him feel pain. He even do it to my poor baby Naomi when she is asleep okay? As he so very buay paiseh confess to me de hor. So you see! We are the victims, NOT HIM!

Very kns lor. So bloody rude and inconsiderate lah! Don't tell me cannot control okay? That's bullshit! You jolly well know it's coming and have time to run away from your loved ones before you explode. If any of you out there can't control your fart, please go see a doctor. You probably have some uncontrollable farting syndrome that requires professional help.

Just stop fucking traumatizing your loved ones!

If it's possible, I would love to shove an oxygen tank up his ass and store all his stinky farts into the tank then make him smell his own fart with an oxygen mask glued to his face. He will not be able to take off the mask until the oxygen or should I say fart tank is empty. That will teach him not to anyhow let off toxic gas when others are around especially me and Naomi.

Anyway, tomorrow is his birthday. Can't afford to buy him a gift since I'm jobless. I shall compensate by being extra nice to him for tomorrow only. I will be nice by not insulting him, not calling him an idiot, not rolling my eyes and shout at him etc etc etc..

Wow! There are so much more but I lazy to type out liao. I think I am rather mean to him leh. But it's okay lah. I know he enjoys it. It makes him smile the whole day. He can't live without it. He loves getting the insults as much as I love throwing insults at him. That's what make us such a happy couple.

I just love living in self denial. =) Wahahahahahaha!

Abrupt end of blog post because pooping feeling is strong af.


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