Lost of loved ones is painful..

I know i haven't been blogging as often as i should be but i'm just too tired.

Recently, lots of things has happened. Even though love life is good but i'm so scared now. It seems as though people are slowly leaving me 1 by 1.

1st was the death of my dear friend Lawrence and now my only grandma from my father's side is gone.

Although i was there to see her breath her last but it's really heart breaking. It's even more heart breaking to see my dad upset.

He never got to see my grandma while she was in coma for the last time even though he did visit her while he was back and when she's still alert.

I went to fetch him early in the morning from the airport. He rushed back to see my grandma. I didn't know what to do as i couldn't control my tears as well.

My dad was walking towards the carpark when he suddenly choked on his own tears and started saying that he was an unfillial son.

I too burst out in tears. I don't know what i can do except to comfort him by telling him that at least he was in time to send her through her last journey. Some people don't even have the chance.

When we reached my aunt's house. Immediately, he went in and kneel down next to my grandma's dead cold body and cried.

I didn't stop him because i know that letting it out will do him good and it's his own mum after all.

No matter how much i dislike the things my mum do but i still do love her because she is my mum. I know i will be distraught if the day comes that she leaves us behind.

Grandma's wake was held under Auntie Iris's house and commenced for 5 days so i didn't go to work for 5 days. I wanna accompany my grandma for the last few days.

On the last day, the worst came. The thing we dreaded the most came. Time for grandma to leave us forever.

With no sleep at all, we proceeded with the prayers chanted by a monk and it was time to close the coffin.

We accompany grandma walk the last time and headed to the crematorium.

As the coffin proceeded slowly into the furnace, everyone broked down. The 1st time i saw all my uncles and aunties cry like there's no tomorrow.

My dad knelt down again while crying. My heart broke into pieces.

I then realized that even the toughest man can break down and cry facing the death of their loved ones no matter how tough they make themselves to be.

I don't know how well i will be able to handle my emotions when the day my parents leave me. I will most likely break down. I'm that emotional.

Whatever has happened we can't change. We can only accept the fact and face up to reality. Life goes on no matter what.

I believe that grandma is in a better place now. God will take good care of her till we meet again.

We love you ah ma! Goodbye!


  1. God Bless you for sharing your emotions. It is hard when we love someone leaves us but I am grateful that one day we will see them again.


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